musings of a kitchen witch

I  have a 14 month old, I’m pregnant (and hi-risk) and I’m in the military (as is my husband) and work long, bizarre hours, we are often strapped for money, time and everything else…and, like just about everyone else in our society, I’m stressed…

I almost wonder if there isn’t some grand conspiracy of business, government and media to keep us that way, in the interests of making money off of us…I read a book that discusses that the more insecure women are made thru advertising (in the discussion of the book, about their periods), the more money they spend on feminine hygene products–I have seen this idea echoed in other articles and such, and I believe it whole heartedly—just look at the diet industry, the make-up industry, the fashion industry (to name a few).

I have had to work on decreasing my stress level, as well as some of my normal habits and actions…it is quite difficult for me to relax…  Clinically speaking, I have some hypervigilance issues, which tend to manifest as trigger point pain and a wee touch of OCD (the military loves that trait–but my family does NOT). 

Other than the tips below, the best thing I have done thus far has been to create an environment designed to relax and recharge, to welcome and make one feel secure…reducing clutter, creating a cleaning schedule, embracing the imperfect, soothing colors, scents, as well as cleansing and blessing the home can all go along way to achieving this.

Natural Remedies for Tension and StressThe best treatment for anxiety, tension and stress is to identify and eliminate or reduce stressors and to identify negative coping patterns and replace them with positive coping strategies.

*Keep your body healthy with proper nutrition and exercise.
*Avoid caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, sugar and refined foods.
*Nutritional supplements such as calcium (1,000 mg per day), magnesium (400 to 600 mg per day), and B complex vitamins (50 to 100 mg per day can help support the nervous system and minimize the effects of stress. 
*Relaxation techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing, biofeedback, meditation, and self-hypnosis can be effective in relieving tension, stress and anxiety. 

For those times when stress is unavoidable but manageable, consider the following:

*One 8 oz cup of chamomile or lavender or a chamomile and lavender combination tea can be taken to reduce anxiety, nervousness and tension.
*Herbs useful for reducing anxiety and stress include passionflower, valerian, kava, as well as most of the mint family, including varieties such as catnip and lemon balm.
*Aromatherapy can be excellent for reducing anxiety and environmental stressors and promoting a relaxing environment.  Lavender is especially good for this.  Put some essential oil on a cotton ball in your room, burn a lavender candle or put a cup of lavender flowers in a muslin/cheese cloth bag and put in your bath water.
*Other essential oils that are useful for promoting relaxation and relieving anxiety are bergamot, cypress, geranium, jasmine, lemon balm, neroli, rose, sandalwood, and ylang-ylang.
*Massage is a great stress reducer.  The following points can helprelieve anxiety, tension and stress.


*For some other ideas, try http://www.mothernature.com/Library/Bookshelf/Books/47/123.cfm

Infused oils integrate herbs (generally dried) into a carrier oil…there are slow or quick methods to do this, depending on your time frame in which you wish to use it and what you want to use it for.

Magickal oils are often made using the slower method, matching the timing to moon phases, holidays, etc.  Often the oil is kept on an altar, or might be blessed or charged before use, and can be and especially effective medium for protective spells and shielding.

I frequently (almost constantly) have a jar or two (or three or four) infusing away…unless I need something last minute, I rarely use any of the crockpot or other “speedy” methods for infusions.  Probably my most frequently used infusion the stuff my hubby calls it the “baby butt stuff” which is the main ingredient in my daughter’s diaper salve and we also use the oil from this recipie in a spritz bottle as the oil for baby massage time, after the evening bath.

Sophie’s Soft Skin Salve

1 part lavender
1 part chamomile flowers
1 part yarrow
1 part calendula

Infuse herbs in equal parts sunflower and grapeseed oil. 

Once oil is infused, using a double broiler, melt equal parts beeswax and cocoa butter into oil.   Exact ratios depend on desired consistency, so add beeswax and cocoa butter slowly, testing the consistency of the cooled mixture.  Add about 5-10 drops of tea tree oil (per aproximate cup) to the finished product before cooling to prevent and treat mild cases of diaper rash caused by a yeast infection  (the small amount of tea tree oil in the salve also has a cooling and pain releaving effect on an ouchy baby butt). 

There are several reasons that I ended up being a babywearing fan…

First off, its good for the baby (and what is good for baby is great for mama)…

Babies who are carried cry and fuss less than babies who spend most of their days out of physical contact with their parents. In Hunziker and Barr’s (1986) study of increased carrying and its affect on infant crying it was shown that increased carrying throughout the day reduces both the duration and the quality of infant crying. In this study, which included 99 mother-infant pairs, the experimental group (49 pairs) was provided with soft infant carriers and asked to carry their children for a minimum of three non-crying, non-feeding hours a day for eight weeks. It was found that at six weeks of age, the time of normal peak crying for infants in Western society, the supplemented carrying group of infants cried and fussed 43% less than the control group; this was about one hour less of crying per day. These children also fed more frequently, though not for increased duration, and were quiet and alert for more time each day than the control group of babies. This quiet and alert period is typically regarded by child developmentalists and pediatricians as the time when a baby is most capable of learning (Sears, 1995a; Sears & Sears, 1993).
     The development of attachment is also affected by infant carrying, as shown in a study of mother-infant dyads by Anisfeld, Casper, Nozyce, and Cunningham (1990). In contrast to the Honziker and Barr (1986) study which enlisted middle-class Canadian mothers, this study was conducted with the participation of lower socioeconomic mothers of minority ethnic backgrounds in a large city of the United States. The Anisfeld et al. study consisted of 49 participating pairs. The study sought to prove that mothers who carried their infants in soft carriers in the first three months of life would be more sensitive and responsive toward their babies after 90 days than mothers who toted their babies in plastic seats and, further, that this responsive behavior would be related to the child’s security of attachment at 13 months. Indeed the authors’ hypotheses were proven correct. Not only were the cloth carrier moms more responsive towards their babies in infancy, but 83% of their children were securely attached to them at 13 months of age. This was compared to the control group in which only 38% of the children were securely attached to their mothers. Curiously, within the control group, four of the mothers used a soft baby carrier in addition to using the car seat-type carrier and three out of those four mothers and babies had secure attachments. The authors also noted that a high percentage of avoidant relationships within the control group (38.5%) was consistent with existing data on mother-infant attachment for similar inner-city, low-SES populations. It was clear that the increased carrying of the infants in a soft front-pack carrier improved considerably the chances of the mother-infant pairs having a securely attached relationship and was a worthy intervention to be tried with high-risk populations.

Probably the best newborn tricks I learned working at the hospital include kangaroo care (which, if you can’t breastfeed, minimizes all but the nutritional difference between breastmilk and formula–but don’t let the milk nazis hear you say that one) and swaddling…combined with babywearing, it seems to ease the transition for the baby between in the womb and “oh shit, big wide world!” 

I think about it this way…baby bakes at 98.6 degrees F for 9 months in a dark, squished place where it sways around with whatever motion mommy makes…it hears mommy’s heartbeat, mommy’s voice, mommy’s tummy gurgling (most estimates of what it sounds like invitro, compare it to a vaccum cleaner in volume)—and then, it gets yanked out into the big wide world , let loose into bright lights, strange noises, cold (hey, 98.6 is downright HOT), and SPACE…swaddling provides security, babywearing provides the same motion and some of the same noises and a wee bit of the coziness and darkness that it had in the womb…

Second of all, its convienent…wearing a baby is HANDS FREE!!!  Strollers are big and bulky–especially if you are going to go shopping (unless, of course, you are going to be trying on clothes), and a sling is FAR easier than lugging around a baby carrier… some carriers even come with pockets or clips to attatch a pouch to hold a diaper, bottle, etc…  A friend of mine’s mother is a seamstress and made her an adjustable sling that has a zippered pocket sewn in and snaps that attatch to a big fleece blankie that can be wrapped around and tossed over baby in the sling

Third of all (this is so shallow)…it looks cool——-AND you can coordinate with your outfits.  (my hubby even has his own sling—its black  )…and it covers that baby bulge that takes a while to go away…

for more info on baby slings and other carrieres, try here.

My daughter likes Sesame Street…yes, I know, TV is evil–but it makes cooking dinner easier…if my day today was sponsored by a letter and number, I think it would be the number 15, and the letter ‘P’.  15 because today I start the 15th week of pregnancy and I start my last 15 months in the navy…and the letter ‘P’ for puking, pregnancy, procrastinate, popcorn and pickles.

 Since biting insects can harbor disease (malaria, west nile, lyme disease, etc)—and its annoying to be scratching anyhow, it is better to simply avoid getting bit in the fist place. 

Around the home, eliminate places where mosquitoes can breed, make sure that screens are in good condition, and plant plants that pests dislike.  In areas where this is difficult, protective clothing should be worn.  Chemical insect repellants can also be used, or there are herbal alternatives.

*Pest repellent plants for the garden include basil which deters mosquitoes and flies (and it tastes and grows well with tomato as a companion plant), henbit which is a general insect repellant, the mole plant which doesn’t deter bugs but will deter moles and mice, tansy deters ants and flies, peppermint deters flies, mosquitoes and ants (and also rats), and pennyroyal deters fleas (but is not meant to be ingested, so keep away from where kids and pets can ingest it). 

*Essential oils citronella and its cousin lemongrass, eucalyptus, bay laurel, lavender, thyme, geranium, and mint family plants (catnip, peppermint, etc) can be diluted in a carrier oil (you can also try infused oils of these plants), or added to aloe vera gel or witch hazel as a spray to repel insects.

*Real vanilla extract (as opposed to the flavoring) is reported to deter mosquitoes.  Real vanilla extract is also expensive…not sure the effectiveness of this, much less if it works in dilution (but at least it smells yummy…and is baby safe)

*Bentonite clay and echinacea tincture or powdered echinacea and lavender essential oil combined to form a paste/plaster to apply to insect bites and stings to relieve itching.

*Fresh leaf poultices can be made from plantain, chickweed, witch hazel or willow and applied to bites (to make a fresh leaf poultice, be certain you have identified plant properly, pick leaf, chew, apply to bite, cover with band-aid if needed to hold in place).
*Apply witch hazel to a cotton ball and cover with a band-aid to hold in place as a sort of mini compress to bug bites.

Modern cleaners suck.  Sure, they get the job done, kill the germs and sanitize the space…but they have some nasty side effects…

Take those so-called air fresheners. According to a study published in New Scientist in 1999, in homes where aerosol sprays and air fresheners were used frequently, mothers experienced 25 percent more headaches and were 19 percent more likely to suffer from depression, and infants under six months of age had 30 percent more ear infections and 22 percent higher incidence of diarrhea.

from http://www.grist.org/advice/possessions/2003/03/18/possessions-cleaning/

Other than the toxic chemicals that families are exposed to in their own homes, one must consider that anti-bacterial cleansers kill good bacteria too…about 10 years ago I read an article that mentioned a study that linked an increased number of childhood illnesses, allergies and asthma to the amount of commercial cleansers used in the home.  The immune system “learns” by exposure to germs, remove the germs and a child is more susceptible, and less likely to “learn” to identify other compounds (allergens) that it may come into contact with.

We keep a clean house, and a neat one (well–as much as possible with a 1 year old), but not a sanitized, germ-free one.  We clean with baking soda, apple cider, lemon juice, soap and essential oils… W save a ton of money, and guess what?  No one notices the difference…unless its to ask “What do you use in here? It smells fantastic/great/awesome/etc!”

MY FAVORITE CLEANER!!! 

1/2 c lemon juice
1 teaspoon Dr. Bonners lavender soap
10 drops lavender oil
10 drops lemongrass oil
add to spray bottle, fill with water and clean…

Deep Cleaning tip:

for really gross, gritty, greasy messes, keep baking soda in a shaker, sprinkle on the dirty area and add a 1/2 c of vinegar to the cleaning spray, spray where the baking soda is and scrub!

My daughter is napping.  The apartment is silent, but for the occassional passing car.  I have so much to do—and no ambition to do it.  I have a song stuck in my head…at least its an appropriate one for a change…

…on my head, they keep fallin’But there’s one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won’t defeat me
It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me…

I miscarried last month.  Found out there was something wrong on my birthday, and passed the pregnancy on Thanksgiving.  I had what is technically called an anembryonic pregnancy, or commonly referred to as a blighted ovum.  It occurs when the egg and sperm meet, fertilize, and implant, but something happens and an embryo fails to develop.  For some reason, in this case, the body continues to think it is pregnant, and the gestational sac continues to develop. 

I’m okay.  I have suffered the loss of a baby–our first daughter was stillborn at 26 weeks.  This wasn’t as traumatic.  But it still hurt—it still hurts. 

Loss is part of life.  If we let it,  reminds us to rejoice in our blessings and enjoy the here and now.  If we do not, we become angry and bitter and at odds with the world. 

So I choose to enjoy what I have, what I do, what I see–to count my blessings as the small discoveries in life that make us smile, or wonder, or think—rather than lament what I have lost…  In time, the heart stings less…

 Of course, it helps to be running around after a 9 month old, and to know that the hubby and I can try again–and that is always fun!

…Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turnin’ red
Cryin’s not for me
‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’
Because I’m free
Nothin’s worryin’ me…

There are things that I want my children to know, but especially my daughter…things that I was lucky enough to be taught by my mother, or had to learn the hard way–always valuable teacher, but generally better if you can avoid in the first place.

1.  Life happens.  Enjoy it, because eventually it runs out…

2.  There is an exception to every rule, except rule #1–but before you become the exception, be certain that you won’t be punished by the rule.

3.  People can take your money and they can ruin your reputation…but they can never take what you know—so make it a point to learn all you can, every day…

3.  Never go to bed angry at the ones you love–no matter how long it takes to talk it out, do it…because you never want the last thing you tell someone important to you to be something cruel.

4.  Plan for the future, and in your plans hope for the best–but prepare for the worst………but don’t forget to set aside the plans and be spontaneous

5.  Love…love often; love even if they don’t love you back, never be ashamed to love; love without reservation, but with pride; love and never look back if you have to leave anyhow; love and expect to be loved, you are worth loving; love long; and when you find someone that loves you as you love them, love them more…

6.  Know when to leave…know when to leave a lover, know when to leave a job, know when to leave a friendship…and know how to do it with dignity (and a bit of style, if needed)

7.  Read…outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend (and inside of a dog, its too dark to read)…

8.  Respect nature, remember that you are a part of it–not apart from it…and remember that you are an expression of its forces at work, so respect yourself as well

9.  Make due with what you have, until you get what you want…

10.  If you are considering getting in a fight, make sure it is one you are willing to lose.  Anyone can go into a fight expecting to win–and half of them still come out losers…instead, ask youself “is this worth getting the s*** beat out of me?”–if it is, go for it…if not, its not important enough to fight about.

11.  You are the only person that can determine your actions/reactions, thoughts and feelings.  You are responsible for your own happiness, your own well being, your own position in life.  Stop whining about what you don’t like, don’t have, etc and DO something about it.  No one else is responsible for you, but you.

 I am collecting cloth for my daughters bai jia bei.   

 The bai jia bei–also known as the 100 Good Wishes Quilt–comes from a tradition in northern China in which patches of cloth are collected for family and friends, and used to make a quilt for a new baby.  Bai jia bei’s, though a Chinese tradition have been adopted in the West, and are a phenomenon I have seen most often in the pagan community and among parents that are/have adopted a child from overseas.

There is a slight problem with this…

I’m not the best sewer in the world…not even in this town…in fact, if my life depended on my ability to sew a straight line, I think I would be dead.  Really, the most I sew is to hem my uniform pants because I’m too lazy to drive to the tailors.

 But…its for my baby.

Specifically for her first birthday,  when we are having a birthday ritual (our version of a naming ceremony/wiccaning) for her…

So I guess I am learning to quilt…and for the forseeable future…I can’t quit learning to quilt…

…but I forgot what it was