My daughter is napping. The apartment is silent, but for the occassional passing car. I have so much to do—and no ambition to do it. I have a song stuck in my head…at least its an appropriate one for a change…
…on my head, they keep fallin’But there’s one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won’t defeat me
It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me…
I miscarried last month. Found out there was something wrong on my birthday, and passed the pregnancy on Thanksgiving. I had what is technically called an anembryonic pregnancy, or commonly referred to as a blighted ovum. It occurs when the egg and sperm meet, fertilize, and implant, but something happens and an embryo fails to develop. For some reason, in this case, the body continues to think it is pregnant, and the gestational sac continues to develop.
I’m okay. I have suffered the loss of a baby–our first daughter was stillborn at 26 weeks. This wasn’t as traumatic. But it still hurt—it still hurts.
Loss is part of life. If we let it, reminds us to rejoice in our blessings and enjoy the here and now. If we do not, we become angry and bitter and at odds with the world.
So I choose to enjoy what I have, what I do, what I see–to count my blessings as the small discoveries in life that make us smile, or wonder, or think—rather than lament what I have lost… In time, the heart stings less…
Of course, it helps to be running around after a 9 month old, and to know that the hubby and I can try again–and that is always fun!
…Raindrops keep fallin’ on my head
But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turnin’ red
Cryin’s not for me
‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’
Because I’m free
Nothin’s worryin’ me…