With much help from (and much thanks to) the folks at the Pagan Forum and CafeMom’s Religious Debate section for their constructive ideas, I’ve been working on list of behaviors and attitudes to reduce conflict over religious beliefs between individuals. Think of this as Miss Manners putting the smackdown on multi-faith and interfaith discussions and debates!
Thalassa’s Etiquette Guidelines for Interfaith Discussion
1.) If someone asks about your religious beliefs, share (respectfully and with compassion). If they don’t ask, don’t assume that sharing will be welcome and go out of your way to do so.
2.) If you feel compelled to ask someone else as a way to spark a discussion about their beliefs, back off if they aren’t interested.
3.) Make sure the setting is appropriate for the discussion so neither party will feel uncomfortable.
4.) Don’t act like your truth is everyone’s truth–it isn’t, because if it were, there wouldn’t be a conversation on the matter. When expressing your beliefs, use I-statements to express your personal beliefs.
5.) Refrain from using absolute or exclusive language, but don’t assume that absolute or exclusive statements are made with negative intent.
6.) If you are in a mutual discussion of beliefs, don’t use your theological opinion as a tool for condemnation or insult.
7.) Realize that the people who vocally use their beliefs about religion as an excuse to be a jerk are louder than those that don’t, if you want to be a good ambassador for your faith, act your ideals, and even share them, but don’t preach them.
8.) Language is imprecise–different religious and denominations have differing terminology; understand the limits of your religious literacy and ask for clarification if you are unsure of one’s meaning.
9.) Disagreement is not an automatic insult or attack. Try to refrain from taking offense to comments that may be well-intended, but poorly phrased.
10.) Courteously and constructively correct misinformation. Do not get drawn into an argument (as opposed to a debate). Be polite, even when the other person is not.
11.) If things start going badly, be the adult and back off. When this happens, don’t wait for the other person – do it first. If you are a person that has to have the last word, remember that walking away with dignity while the other person brays like an ass is its own last word.
August 24th, 2011 at 10:12 pm
A great list! Thanks for taking the time to create it. :)
August 25th, 2011 at 6:47 am
Thanks!
August 26th, 2011 at 9:40 am
Nice job Thal…I think you really did glean the best from the ideas and streamline them. I wish I’d contributed, but I was all ranty from my own interfaith fiasco (which did not go well on either side, I hate to confess). Next time you do something like this, hopefully I’ll be in a better mindset!
August 31st, 2011 at 7:58 am
*hugs* thanks Jess!
June 7th, 2012 at 3:22 pm
Reblogged this on musings of a kitchen witch and commented:
So…I’ve decided to reblog this, just for kicks. It might be the height of blogging conceit, but it seems like it could be a good reminder.
It *is* Pagan Values Month after all! I think “being polite” is a good value!
June 7th, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Thank you for sharing!
June 7th, 2012 at 7:32 pm
Reblogged this on Loki's Bruid and commented:
As someone who works in an interfaith community, I thought this was lovely and concise. I’d add to this “Think before you hit send” if it’s an online discussion, especially if the conversation has made you angry or irritated.
June 7th, 2012 at 7:40 pm
Thank you! And I totally agree with that. Maybe it needs a “situation suggestions follow-up”!!
June 8th, 2012 at 3:04 am
Hi. I’d like to repost your Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions article on Humanistic Paganism ASAP, if you are amenable. Since it’s released under Creative Commons, I would assume not. But I wanted to give your the courtesy. Please respond when you get this. Thanks!
June 8th, 2012 at 5:19 am
Feel free to do so! I’m pretty amenable to that, as long as it links back!
Perhaps it would be a good place to have a discussion/commentary on situational etiquette? Like, within our diverse multi-faith community, or online (or both)? While most of those ideas hold true for any conversation on religion, the list was originally meant more for social environments like work or the grocery store checkout or that pitfall laden family reunion. Here in Pat Robertson’s back yard, things can get a bit factious!
June 8th, 2012 at 5:42 am
I was hoping to post it tomorrow, but if you have some material on situational etiquette that you want to include, I could hold off a day. Alternatively, this could be talked about in the comments section of the post. Let me know what you decide.
P.S. Thanks for getting back to me quickly!
June 8th, 2012 at 5:44 am
Oh, also, for the author pic I took the one from your sidebar here, and for the about the author text I took the paragraph under “About Thalassa” above.
And linkback will definitely be included.
June 10th, 2012 at 11:28 pm
Excellent rules!
June 13th, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Thanks!!
August 13th, 2012 at 2:43 pm
[…] while back, I wrote a post on “Etiquette for Interfaith Discussions”, which was meant as a sort of guide to discussing faith with people of different faiths. As a […]
May 15th, 2013 at 8:35 am
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