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bay witch musings

~ thoughts on parenting, paganism, science, books, witchcraft, nature, feminism, unitarian universalism, herbalism, cooking, conservation, crafting, the state of humanity, and life by the sea

bay witch musings

Category Archives: children

the family that slays together…

20 Monday Jan 2020

Posted by thalassa in ADHD, children, dungeons and dragons, parenting, Scifi/Fantasy

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

dnd, dungeons and dragons, games, rpg

Just over a year ago (the end of 2018 over the kids’ Winter Break), Scott (AKA: The Hubby) and I busted out one of the moldering skills of our misspent nerdy youth (before it was cool man!) and transformed our family into a costume-wearing, accent-wielding, foam weapon toting band of comedic adventurers of Faerûn.

Sharkbait takes his turn designing a one-off mini-campaign
Sharkbait takes his turn designing a one-off mini-campaign
Phee updates her notes
Phee updates her notes
Multitasking...
Multitasking…
Talking our way through bailing out an informant and fighting a notorious pirate lord
Talking our way through bailing out an informant and fighting a notorious pirate lord

Today, we parent an adolescent half-elf druid and a pre-teen dragonborn barbarian. …Except when we parent a moon elf bard and a grung pirate.   It gives the hubby and I no choice but to make household chores “taking the trash out from the keep to avoid the plague” or “dishwashing at the inn because you ran out of gold.”  We watch shows like Critical Role like other families watch football and the kids watch YouTube animators like Puffin Forest and Dingo Doodles like the Saturday morning cartoons of my back-in-the-day.

More props (the fancy, more pricey kind)
More props (the fancy, more pricey kind)
Improvised scenery
Improvised scenery
Sharkbait's battle map...
Sharkbait’s battle map…
Props
Props
Making up our own items for quest rewards
Making up our own items for quest rewards

In our adventures, we have taken out a thieves guild, rescued small children from a troll, saved a village’s hunters from a roving band of evil goblins, and more.  But more practically, playing Dungeons and Dragons (we play 5th edition) was a bit of a no-brainer as a family activity:

  1. Players work together for a common goal with individual motivations and have to resolve conflict collaboratively, or they all potentially pay the price.
  2. The game is heavily steeped in imagination and creativity as skills that are frequently overlooked in other games in both character development and during the progression of the game itself.
  3. There’s a huge opportunity for customization and creativity outside of the game that gets them doing stuff they’d normally bypass as “not fun,” from painting tediously tiny minifigures, learning to sew making costumes, writing backstories and reading big fat books (in the immortal words of Sharkbait: “Who knew instruction manuals could be this fun, mom?!?”).
  4. Playing and planning games teaches them strategic thinking, cause-and-effect, organization and planning (both in-game and out), conflict resolution, “public” speaking, storytelling, improvisation, and more;  and
  5. It’s a fun way to spend time together creating valued memories.

mimics&weretigers…As a parent, I value anything that gets my kids to read more, draw more, find ways to entertain themselves without having to hear the words “I’m bored,” and to enjoy spending time together.  As the parent of a kid with ADHD, I value anything that helps teach him to appreciate the value of the tasks he often finds difficult (and therefore tedious) and encourages him to develop the social skills that he so often finds challenging.  As a mom, whose creative outlets often feel stymied by adulting and parenting, I appreciate that I have the opportunity to engage in the former without feeling like I’m shirking the latter…also, I flirt with the hubby’s character, and there’s some good that comes from that as well when the kids aren’t around.

Lorelia, half-elf druid
Lorelia, half-elf druid
Phee's drawing of Lorelia
Phee’s drawing of Lorelia

And…don’t just take my word for it…if it’s not something you’ve thought about or considered before… Anecdotal information and some preliminary studies suggest that kids that play RPG games like D&D do better in school, even when they have struggled in school and discuss the mechanisms by which such games may do so.  It’s being used as a form of therapy,  for teaching social skills to kids like mine, etc.

Don’t get me wrong, there are challenges to playing with kids vs. playing with other adults, especially when it comes to adapting to playing with kids for the first time, running an entire campaign of just kids (The Hubby and I hosted a campaign for our kids and their friends–6 to 8 preteens most sessions–until we moved to Germany over the summer), and in running a campaign with multiple kids with ADHD or other challenges (luckily there’s advice for that).  There are simplified character sheets for kids, official books geared towards teaching kids the game (I’ve not gotten these because my kids love the official manuals, but I can see how they might be great for kids with reading challenges), and even choose-your-own-adventure style books.

And the best part about playing Dungeons and Dragons today, compared to 20-30 years ago, is that it’s more accessible and cooler than its ever been!

But (to quote another childhood favorite who has made a comeback), don’t just take my word on it!

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raising a good loser

15 Wednesday Aug 2018

Posted by thalassa in children, education, parenting

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

awards, losing, participation, winning

Its always funny to me, when I hear the people around me that complain about participation trophies…its more often been my experience that the folks doing the complaining tend to emulate they very definition of poor sportsmanship whether they win or lose.

Often I hear “there were no participation awards in my day” from my contemporaries.  Um, WTF?  I have about a dozen or so that my mom saved along with every piece of artwork and honor roll certificate I ever received.  And guess what?  My parents had some of those same types of awards…

And really, people have been receiving awards for not “winning” (however one defines that) for some time now, starting with the establishment of the Honorable Mention by the Kingdom of the Netherlands in 1831 as a way to honor soldiers that had done brave deeds that weren’t quite brave enough for an actual award.  Literally, an honorable mention was an official statement honoring an individual for doing something good, but not good enough.

twitterparticipationtrophy

It has not escaped my notice that, on the participation trophy question alone, I can reliably predict the political bent on the individuals that are against them more than 3/4s of the time… 

Let’s face reality here: The vast majority of children will never play a professional sport or world competition level amateur sport.  At most, a child may play a sport through high school and perhaps into college.  Realistically (unless they go to a tiny school somewhere) they might not even play varsity unless they are pretty darn good, much less be regional or state champions.  At best, for most children, sporting events are a flash in the pan of childhood; sound and fury, signifying nothing in the greater context of a life lived or the wider world.

And that’s not to say that sports do not have a value in the lives of children or in a child’s development into an adult, because they can.  Rather, if your motivation to have your children play sports is to win, I’d say your motivation is in the wrong place to begin with (sadly, I’ve seen too many parents like this, or worse, the ones trying to live their childhood over again through their children regardless of their children’s interested).

As a parent now (and a former coach who has seen dozens of examples of the kind of parent I never wanted to coach, much less become myself when I had children), I only have one goal for my kids’ participation in sports–that it makes them a better person.
To determine this, I routinely my kids five questions…which is another post altogether.
 
I would rather have a child that is a “loser” with the skill to lose gracefully and get back up and try again when they fall down than some snotty brat shoving their 1st place trophy (literally or metaphorically) in another kid’s face (something else I’ve seen).  I would rather have a child that dances or plays basketball or swims or runs for the ecstatic joy of movement and the love of the game itself than to win.  30 years down the road, my kids won’t remember the names of the meets they competed in or where they placed, but they will remember the experience of doing something fun and working hard (win or lose).  They will remember that sometimes they won and sometimes they lost and neither one determined their worth as a person.

If a certificate helps to teach them that its the down and dirty diligent effort and not the score that makes them a better person, then so be it.  If a little ribbon can remind them in a time of hardship that losing with grace as much a skill as winning with humility, then ribbons for all.  If a little chunk of gold-painted plastic gives them the courage and encouragement to get up and try again after falling down and getting hurt or embarrassed or both, then what kind of jackass would take that away?

A kid that gets a participation award instead of a first place trophy knows they are a loser in the strictest sense of the word.  But they know they are a winner too, in the ways and places where it actually counts in life—that they showed up, they played the game with honor, they did their damnedest, and they finished the season with their head up, with dignity and grace, geared to try again, win or lose.  And in life, how many people can’t even claim that?

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Connecting with Spirit: Part I

15 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by thalassa in children, pagan, paganism, religion

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

alaric albertsson, book review, connecting with deity, connecting with spirit, eclectic paganism, offerings, polytheism, read along, to walk a pagan path

Oshun by Thalia Took, with permission

Oshun by Thalia Took, with permission

I’ve gotten a bit behind on my Read-Along of To Walk a Pagan Path by Alaric Albertsson (chapter 1, part 2) plans… As usual, life happened. Hubby is out of town for 2 months for work (again), and Sharkbait is needing a slight medication adjustment (sleep issues). Also, I’m trying this *get my butt in gear to apply to grad school* thing again. But, one of the things (in 3 or 4 parts, otherwise its super long) that I wanted to address before I moved on to Chapter Two was the whole idea of “Connecting with Spirit”, because I think the book really short changed it a bit in favor of a pantheon-specific polytheism perspective, and failed to consider the other ways that Pagans connect with spirit…

My daughter starting assembling her own pantheon at 4. Some of the names are similar to the deities she’d heard in myths at bedtime story time, but others are unique. Over the past few years, some of them have left, and new ones have arrived. Still others remain, though her interpretation and experience of them has changed. Mama O’shen looks very much like Oshun now but still has a dolphin daughter, Mr. Neptune, Luna (instead of Mother Moon), H’sheth, and G’geegle have been joined by Bast, Aset, Ma’at, Apollo, and Mars. My son (Sharkbait) isn’t quite as interested in the gods, but I chalk some of that up to the ADHD–he’s too busy to listen as deeply as Chickadee…but I have the feeling this might change as much as he loves it when his big sister reads mythology to him before bed.

Everybody is on a path, but everybody is at a different point on the path. In real life, if two people are on the same path, and look at the same tree, each will see it differently.

(You can do an experiment: Set a cardboard box on a table and look at it. Move one foot to the left, or to the right, or forward, or backward, and the box will look radically different. Did the box change? No, that’s an illusion. What changed was the perspective of the viewer).

So, two people on the same path, looking at the same tree will each see it differently. Arguing about “who sees it correctly” is foolish.

~B. de Corbin, Pagan Forum member, speaking on the subject Buddhist traditions…something perhaps that applies to Paganism as well.

My personal experiences have left me with a quite different perspective and practice than that offered by the author of To Walk a Pagan Path.  Lets face it, not everyone that is drawn to Paganism is drawn to a specific deity, pantheon, or culture. Albertsson suggests that the first step to living as a Pagan is “connecting with spirit”, and to this end, he suggests that we can do so through connecting with deity (which he goes on to describe in some detail), or with nature spirits or with one’s ancestors.  While I largely agree, I think the idea of “connecting with spirit” aligns better with the Four Centers of Paganism that I mentioned awhile back–deity centered Paganisms, nature/earth centered Paganisms, self centered Paganisms (don’t confuse this one with being self-centered!) and community centered Paganisms.

Connecting with the Gods—

Deity-centered Paganism includes many forms of polytheistic worship, many Reconstructionist or Revivalist forms of Paganism, including those which are closer to Heathenry, and those which borrow techniques (i.e., aspecting) from African-diasporic religions. The Pagan identity of deity-centered Pagans is defined by a dedication to one or more deities. Authenticity is determined by one’s relationship with those deities and/or one’s relationship with the reconstructed practices of ancient pagans who worshiped those deities.
~John Halstead, Three (or more?) Centers of Paganism @ The Allergic Pagan

Some of us have it easy when it come to figuring it out what tradition of Paganism we are meant to follow–perhaps we felt “called” by a particular deity, or maybe we we’ve always been drawn by a certain mythos or culture (maybe its our ancestory or a book we read as a child or a trip we took as a teen or, whatever).  If you are one of these lucky people that have an idea of where to start looking for their connection with deity, then you can jump right in!  But maybe you are someone that only knows what you *aren’t* interested in.  Or maybe you don’t even have that much of the elimination process down.  Or maybe you can’t decide between one pantheon and another.  Or maybe you are drawn to two different deities from two different cultures.  Or maybe…

I’ve tried, but I’ve never been able to muster any more than an academic interest in the Celtic, Norse, Saxon, or Egyptian pantheons or cultures (with a few exceptions).  I quite love history and mythology, but not from a personal religious interest or spiritual inspiration.  The gods that I am interested in do not have a pantheon in common (for that matter, many of them have no myths to themselves), so much as they have what I call “proper context” in common.  I’m (unabashedly) an eclectic–one of those people that Albertsson stereotypes as “scattered” who are “leaping from one pantheon to another, collecting “patron” deities like Hummel figurines” (p 17).  But I know very few people that actually do this in practice (except maybe when they are still in that seeking newbie stage).  Eclecticism done well depends on thoughtfulness, particularly as it relates to how one views godhood, how one develops their relationship with their gods, and how one integrates their deities into their practice.

Let me say that again… Eclecticism done well depends on thoughtfulness, particularly as it relates to how one views godhood, how one develops their relationship with their gods, and how one integrates their deities into their practice.  I’d do it a third time, but I think we all get the point here.  Eclectic is not a dirty word.  It is not a lazy practice.  It is not something that should be dismissed out of hand.  It is not because someone didn’t want to do their research.  Its not because someone was hedging their bets.  Are there eclectics that do these things?  Sure there are–negative stereotypes always have anecdotal stories to accompany them.  But by and large, eclectic Pagans have their own reasoning and understandings that they have come to with just as much research and practice and experience as a pantheon-specific Pagan.

When it comes to practice, I’m quite polytheistc.  I worship one god at a time, through prayer, ritual, meditation, through mindful attention–because, to me, a one-on-one date makes more sense than a speed dating marathon. I also worship the gods in that same idea of “proper context”–for example, Psamathe, a Nereid and goddess of the beach gets worshiped at the beach (or with appropriate items of hers) for purposes under her domain while Hestia gets worshipped in my kitchen while I’m cooking for purposes under her domain.  This “proper context” is highly personal–one might see “proper context” as derived by the historically accurate portrayal of worship in a specific culture, or as relating to the culture the deity hails from without the emphasis on historical authenticity, or on the basis of the deity being representative of something valued…for me, context is centered around a deity’s identity and purpose.

Unlike Albertsson, who recommends starting with mythology as a way to find the gods that one is interested in developing a relationship with, I would recommend figuring out what one’s “proper context” is.  What is sacred?  Where do you feel the most connected?  Perhaps that connection actually comes from a specific mythology and culture–the ancient religions of the Greek or the Romans, or the Canaanaites or the Norse, or whatever.  But maybe it comes from the ocean or from being a mother or from mountain climbing or from working in a homeless shelter or from teaching.  Start where the feeling is and worship the deity that represents what you find sacred.  Don’t depend on what someone else tells you should be your proper context. The worst thing that can happen is that is that a relationship doesn’t develop and you move on (but even from that experience you can learn and grow).

From there, I can’t argue with the rest of Albertsson’s advice; its good–get to know the god or gods that speak to you (literally or metaphorically).  Read their mythology, look at devotional artwork and poetry, prayers (ancient and modern), get a sense of who they are.  And once you are ready, make an offering to them and then sit back and listen. You might need to do this for a while.

Think about an offering as making a phone call to a person that a mutual friend is trying to set you up with…they don’t have to pick it up.  By listening, I don’t mean with your ears…very rarely are you going to hear actual words, but with your entire being.  Having a pre-established practice of mindfulness is helpful here, but not required.  As Albertsson puts it “You may have a fleeting vision, or smell and odor that evokes a long-forgotten memory.  Or you may experience a “knowing,” a sudden awareness of the deity’s presence and message to you.  Or you may experience nothing at all. Do not be discouraged if this is the case.  You are not going to have a supernal experience every time you reach out to the gods and spirit.  In giving an offering to the deity, you have taken an action and made a connection.” (p 17)

He also recommends “moving on” if you don’t feel someone picking up at the other end after a few tries (to extend the metaphor of an offering being like dialing up a stranger for a date, maybe they aren’t that interested or its not a good time). Personally, I think this depends on why you’ve chosen that god.  If you aren’t looking for a personal relationship with a deity, I don’t see anything wrong with continued offerings (the gods are not, after all, actually a stranger you are calling for a date!). TBH, this idea of “personal gods” is a fairly modern development–not that it didn’t exist in ancient paganisms, but it wasn’t the norm for your average person.  For me, an offering isn’t to curry favor or attract attention; its a symbol of my sacrifice to something greater than myself.  But if you are looking for a “patron” deity of sorts, then moving on might be a good idea…if that deity (or another you hasn’t even considered) is interested in you, they will find a way to let you know (but maybe not on the timeline of our moder attention span)

Basically, how one chooses to connect with the gods is a personal thing.  It is born out of our understanding of the gods, our experiences with them, our interest in them, and maybe their interest in us…  Provided it recognizes autonomy and consent, no one should ever be judged for how they ultimately meet the gods or which gods they interact with.  And while this book (or my blog post for that matter) offer some different experiences and insights into how or why one might connect with deity, its just the opinion and experience of two people–everyone has their own methodlogy, their own story.

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From the Wee Grimoire: All Creatures Great and Small (Pagan style)

10 Friday Apr 2015

Posted by thalassa in children, enviornment, inspiration, interfaith, nature, quote, science

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

all creatures great and small, childrens song, pagan parenting

image

 

The hubby and I have re-purposed a number of things from our Christian childhoods with our own kids…to toss out a few examples–Jesus Loves Me became The Goddess Loves Me*, Twas the Night Before Christmas became The Night Before Yule, and our family’s manger scene hosts a baby Sun King, Mother Nature, and a herald fairy. Another one that we have adapted was a favorite of mine as a child, I figured I’d share because apparently they are “getting too old for bedtime songs”.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
Nature made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
Selected for their glowing colors,
Evolution made their tiny wings.

All things bright and beautiful…

The purple headed mountain,
The stream running by;
The sunset and the moonrise,
That brightens up our sky.

All things bright and beautiful…

The cold wind of the Winter,
The zebras as they run;
The lizard in the desert
Warming ‘neath the noontime sun.

All things bright and beautiful…

The heron fishing in the river,
The bears emerging from their dens,
The hatching of an egg
in a nest full of baby wrens.

All things bright and beautiful…

belleisland3

The redwoods in the forest,
The ocean where dolphins play,
The sunset across the prairie,
Bees gathering honey every day;

All things bright and beautiful…

Selection gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell,
How wonderful is Evolution,
That has made things tolerably well.

All things bright and beautiful…

IMG_0038

*If you were wondering the words for The Goddess Loves Me (which could easily be adapted to any number of deities), they go something like this:

The Goddess loves me this I know, my heart and soul tell me so.  In her arms I’ll safely stay, as I walk the path we’ve laid.  Yes the Goddess loves me, yes the Goddess loves me.  Yes the Goddess loves me, the whole world tells me so.

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From the Wee Grimoire: Pair-of-socks, Not Balance

24 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by thalassa in children, paganism, parenting, wisdom

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

balance, disney, mulan, paradox, wee grimoire

Sharkbait: Mom, what’s a pair of socks?
Me: Huh?
Sharkbait: a PAIR OF SOCKS!
Me: You need a pair of socks? You have some on your feet! Why do you need more socks?
Sharkbait: NO mom, a PAIR-A-SOCKS! What IS it?!?
Me (with a total blank look): I have no idea what you are talking about. Socks are the things we put on our feet to keep them warm. A pair of socks are two socks that match…hopefully.
Sharkbait (looking exasperated): Duh! That’s not the pair-a-socks I’m talking about.
Chickadee (looking up from her book): Mom, he means a pair-of-DOCKS.
Me: A pair-of-do…. Oh! A PARADOX!!!
Sharkbait: That’s what I said mom! A Pair-a-socks! What is it?

Nevermind that I seriously wondered where my kids heard the word paradox, we busted out the dictionary (via google) and looked it up. One of these days I should get a print dictionary…the kids should probably learn how to use one. Anyhow, the definition wasn’t terribly useful for a 6 year old. Luckily his sister came to the rescue with her encyclopedia-like knowlege of Disney movies, which led to an intense discussion of how we should be like paradoxes.

I’ve always had a bit of a problem with the concept of balance as a spiritual or emotional goal. Balance, to me, seemed too much like trying to stand on the middle of a see-saw, putting a litte of this here, a little of that there. For a while, I tried out the idea of equilibrium. At first glance it seems like another word for balance, but when applied to math and science means something else–“An equilibrium of a dynamical system is a value of the state variables where the state variables do not change.” Equilibruim (chemical) basically says that there is X amount of product A and Y amount of product B reacting together to form Z amount of product C until it hits a sort of sweet spot of constant amounts of A, B, and C (and meanwhile, inside the solution its still active, with A and B combining to form C and C splitting up for form A and B). But that seemed too complicated, and still…not quite right.

Kids though, exhibit moments of brillance and are often good at cutting through the BS.

We should be like a pair of socks.

We should be paradoxes.

And we have now added an adapted version of the Mulan song to their little BoS/Grimoire.

Earth, sky
Day, night
Sound and silence
Dark and light

One alone is not enough
You need both together
Winter, summer
Moon and sun
Lesson Number One

Like a rock
You must be hard!
Like an Oak
You must stand firm!
Come quick
Like my blade
Think fast
Unafraid

Like a cloud,
Float softly
Like bamboo,
Bend in the wind
Creeping slow,
Like a turtle
Know in peace that
It’s ok to be afraid

One alone is not enough
You need both together
Winter, summer
Moon and sun
Lesson number one!

(Adapted from the song “Lesson Number One” from Mulan II)

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None is as free as one born on the wave, Born on the wave to the song of the sea; None can be brave until they are free, Free of all, but the call of the sea.

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About me

*Just an FYI: If you are wondering why there's not been a new post recently, new posts have been a bit slowed down by the new job...*

I am a (occasionally doting) wife, a damn proud momma of two adorable and brilliant children, a veteran of the United States Navy, beach addict, (American) Civil War reenactor and Victorian natural history aficionado, lover of steampunk, canoeing fanatic, science professional (and amateur in my preferred field), graduate student, and semi-erratic blogger.

If you have found this blog, you have also figured out that we are a Pagan family.  More aptly, I would describe my theological belief as a pragmatic sort of pantheism with a polytheistic practice and my religion as Unitarian Universalist Pagan.  I practice a bioregional witchery and herbalism (foraging ftw!), mainly working with domestic and elemental magics, and I have a thing for sea deities. For the most part, my blog covers a bit of all of these things, with a bit of randomness tossed in from time to time.

I enjoy playing with my kids, chillin with the hubster, swimming, being nerdy, the great outdoors, NCIS re-runs, chai tea--iced or hot, yoga, trashy romance novels, singing off key, kitchen experiments (of the culinary and non types), surfing the internet and painting.  I also like long walks on the beach and NPR's Science Friday and Neil deGrasse Tyson.  I love to read, sleep in on the weekend, and make the Halloween costumes for my kids every year. I am passionate about watershed ecology and local conservation efforts and vehemently anti-disposable plastics. But most of all...I'm just trying to take extravagant pleasure in the act of being alive.

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  • As a family, we are Pagan. That means, of course, that I have spent more time teaching my children about Christiani… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 4 days ago
  • Goals. https://t.co/bAVpHykQQm 5 days ago
  • Wtf. There is no age too young to learn about the evils of genocide. After all, the people that perpetuate it dont… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 5 days ago
  • Omg, so yummy...chicken-basil-pineapple salad with a white basalmic-honey-Sriracha dressing. Its spicy, tart, refr… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 5 days ago
  • Wednesday summer snack! Fresh blackberry, a drizzle of forest honey, and burbon vanilla gelato... https://t.co/W2OMIbNpG9 6 days ago

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Pagan Devotionals--seeking inspiration everywhere
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