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bay witch musings

~ thoughts on parenting, paganism, science, books, witchcraft, nature, feminism, unitarian universalism, herbalism, cooking, conservation, crafting, the state of humanity, and life by the sea

bay witch musings

Category Archives: family

Greetings from Germany

30 Monday Dec 2019

Posted by thalassa in blogging, family

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Germany, moving, new house

So…

I don’t even know if I have anyone left who follows this little blog, but if so, welcome back.

If this is your first time here, hey there and welcome!

…don’t feel bad, it has been a while since I’ve been here too…

Life has its ebbs and flows, just like the tides, and when one thing rises to the forefront, others fall to the wayside.

This blog–really writing for pleasure in general–has been one of those things.  I’m hoping that can change since we’ve become a bit more settled after some huge HUGE changes.  The biggest change, the one that defines all of the other changes, is that we’ve moved (for at least the next 2 1/2 years, but hopefully for 4 1/2 years) to Germany (specifically, the Ansbach region in Bavaria).

This is our new home:

Ansbach's historic downtown
Ansbach’s historic downtown
our backyard mini-orchard
our backyard mini-orchard
Bruce the Spruce, our Yule tree and the kiddos
Bruce the Spruce, our Yule tree and the kiddos
Waiting on the bus, first day of school!
Waiting on the bus, first day of school!
Modeling the winter look?
Modeling the winter look?
First snow!
First snow!
Raking leaves for jumping at the park
Raking leaves for jumping at the park
Entry to the house (loft, tool room, and shed on the left)
Entry to the house (loft, tool room, and shed on the left)
the play loft and home silk/yoga studio above the garage
the play loft and home silk/yoga studio above the garage
Moving into the kitchen...
Moving into the kitchen…
Frozen fields
Frozen fields
our back patio firepit
our back patio firepit
Bavarian farm roads outside our village
Bavarian farm roads outside our village
Cat's eye view of the livingroom
Cat’s eye view of the livingroom
Chickadee & Buddy play at the park across the street
Chickadee & Buddy play at the park across the street

We look forward to many new adventures, which I hope to share!

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The 5 Questions

02 Saturday Jun 2018

Posted by thalassa in education, family, paganism, parenting, randomness, wisdom

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Today, I ask both kids, for anything they do, to consider 5 questions. The questions have changed a bit, shifted in their complexity from when they were younger, but the idea behind them has been consistent since Sharkbait was in preschool and Chickadee was in kindergarten (now they are in the 4th and 6th grades, so it been a while). And sometimes I still make them tell me their answers…

But when I started, it was because Chickadee overheard a gym parent berating an older gymnast and was all wide-eyed and horrified as she grabbed her snack and drink. Goodness knows as someone who used to coach and teach lessons, I CANNOT STAND bullying sports parents, but I also don’t like being a bitch in front of my kids, so I walked up to her and asked if she was okay, and she said “I hope you never talk to me like that about something I love to do, just because I made a mistake.”

I looked at the dad, still ranting at a 10 or 11-year-old, who was trying to hold back tears and save some face in front of teammates and other parents and tiny kids that just want to do cartwheels.  And at the point where he grabbed his daughter by the shoulders to do the shaking-yell-in-the-face manuver that I was only too familiar with from my own childhood trauma, I grabbed both of Chickadee’s little hands and steered her a bit so she wasn’t looking at the dad and I more-or-less said this:

S__________, the ONLY thing this mother cares about when it comes to the activities you participate in is this:

First of all, are you working hard? I mean, you look like you are working hard, your hair looks like a scarecrow and you’re all red in the face like you ran around or something…what, were you working out?

Second, did you do the best that you could do? I mean, sometimes we just do stuff automatically…but when you do your best, you should think about all of the things that it takes to make something really good.  Nothing will ever be perfect because there’s always room for improvement, but as long as you give it your best shot according to what you are able to do, that’s what I care about as a parent.

Number three–Are you listening to your coach? It’s not my job to tell you how to do your gymnastics right, that’s your coach’s job.  She’s in charge of you, she has the expertise on this. I will encourage you, I will cheer for you, I will ask you to show off your skills so I can take picutres for grandma, I will be sad when you fall down, and I will kiss your boo-boos when you get hurt…but I’m just a spectator here.  I will never humiliate you by yelling at you in front of everyone, because that’s a bad example, whether its leadership or parenting.

Four, are you learning from what you are doing wrong? If you find 100 ways to fall down and learn something about how to be better from each and every one of them, I am MORE proud than if you’d gotten it right the first time and the second and 98 more.  Its a lot harder to get back up and try again when something is hard than when its easy.

And fifth, are you having fun?  This isn’t a job. You aren’t making a living here. Even if you want to be an Olympic gymnast someday, and I’d rather you didn’t, but if you did, you are a kid and this is an activity for exercise and play.  This should be fun.  That doesn’t mean you don’t have days where its work and hard and it hurts, but if you don’t get joy from flipping and flying in the air, then there’s no point to making you keep doing this once you’ve fulfilled your commitments.

And I said it loud.  Heck, for parts of it, I looked right at the dad…and at others, I looked at his daugher, because at that point she was looking at ME wide-eyed and perhaps a bit vaguely horrified.  The father, of course, was looking at me like he’d have shot me if only he had a gun in his Mercedes.  By then, the coaches (one of them, the owner) had come to see what was making everyone stare in our direction and call the girls (both of them to their respective practice), and the dad huffed off like any bully whose bullying has been foiled.  After class, I got a quiet thanks from the owner, who had heard what had happened and at least the end of what had been said.  For the next year, anytime I walked in with my kid, he walked out.

Afterwards, I wrote down what a paraphrased version of what I said because I thought it was something I wanted to keep telling them…which I have, though the wording has changed a bit.  I was reminded of this occasion though, because happened to be cleaning out some papers last week and found what I’d written it down upon!

I find myself coming back to this, now that I am about to complete a major milestone in my life, two years (plus some, in procrastination and preparation) in the making, and complete graduate school.

The Evolution of the 5 Questions

1) Did you do the best that you could do at the time? Let face it, somedays the best we can give is not our best. For that matter, somedays, “the best that I could do at the time” was not a damn thing… But overall, I’d like to think I do (there is no try, only do) the best we can that day, and the next day, and the next. AFAIC, that’s what I expect from the kids too–do the best you can do and move forward, no recriminations for a bad day, but no excuses either.

2) Did you work hard? …I used to ask if the kids if they worked their hardest, but let’s be honest, the words we use to explain things matter. No one is physically or mentally able to do 110% or even 100%, 24/7. Adults don’t do it, so the idea that it should be expected of a child is ridiculously hypocritical. Kids shouldn’t have expectations put on them by adults that adults can’t even bothered to achieve.

3) Did you look for the wisdom of those around you? When they were little, I asked them “Did you listen to your teacher/coach/etc.?” Its a question about teaching them that different people are athourities about different things, about behavior towards people with different expertises, in addition to value. But now that they are older, I want them to consider what else they can learn by paying attention to their surroundings, by seeing all people as potential contributors, and by considering all points of view, even those they might not agree with.  If you look for wisdom, you won’t always find it, but you will still learn something.

4) Did you find something of value from the experience? The earlier and simpler preK-1st/2nd grade version of this when they were little was “did you have fun?” As well all know, however, life is not all fun and games.  Part of growing up is learning that shitty things can still be valuable, that difficult things can be valueable, that painful (physical or mentally) things can be valueable. Its up to us to find the value in the things we have to do as much as in the things we want to do.

5) Did you learn from your mistakes and failures? And honestly, they know this is the most important question of the 5, because its the one that I expect a fully-formed and thoughtful answer on…and its one I’m not afraid to share with them. I think its our job as parents to model how we want them to be, but also to discuss when we don’t always live up to that ourselves and why.  I’m a big believer in parental fallibility–a parent should be honest about when they did something wrong, even in their role as a parent.  I think it makes your parenting more effective and I think it helps your kids respect you more as a human being that loves them and is doing their best rather than some untouchable paragon.

 

….And so, I can honestly say, yes.  I did the best that I was able. I worked hard. I learned a LOT, some of which was full of incredible wisdom. I found much of value, though right now my brain is mushy enough that I can’t remember it all.  And yes, I (mostly) learned from my mistakes and failures (except maybe the one of procrastination, because that is where true creativity lays, my friends…where it lays and where it lies…).

And now, not quite 1400 in the afternoon, it is time for a glass of wine.

 

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WWDY: March for Science Edition

24 Monday Apr 2017

Posted by thalassa in education, enviornment, family, nature, pagan parenting, paganism, parenting, politics, protest, science

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

#marchforscience, #scienceactivism, activism, conservation, feminism, nature, protest, science, women in science

What We Did Yesterday:

IMAG1931IMAG1954 (2)IMAG1966 (2)IMAG1937IMAG1932IMAG1934 (2)IMAG1935IMAG1942IMAG1936IMAG1973IMAG1953

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Such is life

20 Friday Jun 2014

Posted by thalassa in family

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

life update

I need a sign that says “when life gives you lemons make kamikazes”…not because life has been sour, but because I could really use a kamikaze.  Its my current poison of choice on the rare occasion I get out with the hubby and we actually do something that involves having a drink.

Its been oppressively hot here the past week.  And, I’m in a walking boot….except at work, because I can’t do my job in a walking boot. If you are familiar with the Navy, you will understand why a walking boot is a bad idea–too much climbing on ships…walking boots and ladderwells don’t go together (if you aren’t familiar with the Navy, I’ve posted a video link from youtube of someone’s walk to work everyday from their berthing).

Anyway, it seems I have a stress fracture of the fifth metatarsal. Which is fine, except if I spend all day on my feet or the kids pounce on my and squish the foot the wrong way, or it gets tangled in the blankets in bed, or the hubby accidentally steps on it. So, basically, it hurts a lot, but not so much that I’m not mobile.

What its like to get around a Navy ship:

My mantra lately is that “it could always be worse”. And this is where the kamikaze’s come in. Its “end of the school year slumber party time”. The kiddos had their last day of school Tuesday. Last time we had a slumber party they were up til the wee hours of the morning, and I’m thinking a kamikaze or two would make sleeping through Frozen on replay with a cacophony of giggly little girls much easier. Unfortunately, I also think that would be irresponsible parenting.

But one can dream.

Dear gods…I just had to give a countdown for Chickadee (whom I’ve lately taken to calling Pop-tart). She’s about bouncing out of her skin in impatient excitement.

1 hour and 23 minutes til lift-off.

Thankfully, I have a handy pot of tea here. (When do I *not* have a handy pot of tea here?) Apple and lemon balm.

My new tea infuser....I picked it up at a yard sale a couple weeks ago!

My new tea infuser….I picked it up at a yard sale a couple weeks ago!

Pardon me while I take a few moments of zen with a new blog I discovered, thanks to my bestest bestie in the whole wide world (we’ve known each other for nearly 20 years now).

(4 hours and 23 minutes and 3 pizzas later)

Well, we are back from the pool time and pizza. The kiddos are getting dried off and in their jammies. The Pirate Fairy, Frozen, Brave, The Lego Movie and the perennial favorite, The Little Mermaid are about to start rolling for the movie marathon portion of the evening. Daddy Man went to pick up ice cream and donuts for the morning.
I’m tired just thinking about it…

And tomorrow, we celebrate the solstice!

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Wordless Wednesday: Sassafras Snow Candy

22 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by thalassa in children, cooking, family, homeschool

≈ 2 Comments

IMG_0446 IMG_0447 IMG_0448 IMG_0451 IMG_0453 IMG_0455 IMG_0457 IMG_0458

36.768209 -76.287493

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← Older posts
None is as free as one born on the wave, Born on the wave to the song of the sea; None can be brave until they are free, Free of all, but the call of the sea.

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About me

*Just an FYI: If you are wondering why there's not been a new post recently, new posts have been a bit slowed down by the new job...*

I am a (occasionally doting) wife, a damn proud momma of two adorable and brilliant children, a veteran of the United States Navy, beach addict, (American) Civil War reenactor and Victorian natural history aficionado, lover of steampunk, canoeing fanatic, science professional (and amateur in my preferred field), graduate student, and semi-erratic blogger.

If you have found this blog, you have also figured out that we are a Pagan family.  More aptly, I would describe my theological belief as a pragmatic sort of pantheism with a polytheistic practice and my religion as Unitarian Universalist Pagan.  I practice a bioregional witchery and herbalism (foraging ftw!), mainly working with domestic and elemental magics, and I have a thing for sea deities. For the most part, my blog covers a bit of all of these things, with a bit of randomness tossed in from time to time.

I enjoy playing with my kids, chillin with the hubster, swimming, being nerdy, the great outdoors, NCIS re-runs, chai tea--iced or hot, yoga, trashy romance novels, singing off key, kitchen experiments (of the culinary and non types), surfing the internet and painting.  I also like long walks on the beach and NPR's Science Friday and Neil deGrasse Tyson.  I love to read, sleep in on the weekend, and make the Halloween costumes for my kids every year. I am passionate about watershed ecology and local conservation efforts and vehemently anti-disposable plastics. But most of all...I'm just trying to take extravagant pleasure in the act of being alive.

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