beautiful monsters

Tags

Beiruit, Paris, peace, prayer, terrorism

1457:   As I sit here by the open window, I’m struck by how global we’ve become…because of technology, I am acquainted with roughly the same number of people living in or around Paris as I was with people in New York City 14 years ago.  The sun streams in, and I listen to the tennis tournament across the street at the park and the cars speeding by on our “quiet” end of a local thouroughfare (all things are relative, “quiet” is about 60-80 cars a minute on 4 lanes on a Sunday afternoon); the night before last I was waiting up late to see if one our forum members (the last person I knew that I hadn’t seen or heard was okay) had checked in–not only was he in the area, but the concert venue was right up his alley.

I’m drinking tea and listening/half-watching to Lindsey Stirling and Katy Perry on YouTube (kids choice, not mine) while bread bakes and the hubby cleans the kitchen.  Its about time to make dinner…chicken cordon bleu casserole with rice and broccoli, and I have a cat that alternately wants to walk on my keyboard or knaw on my screen as I look at overnight oats and smoothie recipies on Pinterest.  It seems very much at odds with the aftermath of terror, both in Paris, and Beirut the night before, and in the countless places around the world.

1615:   But of course one cannot simply sit and blog, uninterrupted…this is why I seldom get more than one blog post a week out anymore, and sometimes none.

I wonder, while I go about my day, if someone is learning that a coworker or cousin or childhood friend was killed because there are people whose idea of god is so small that they seek to destroy everything that (by their own holy book’s admission) he created that doesn’t agree with every warped interpretation they’ve cherry picked out of it. I think occasionally of the families–parents, children, partners, right now raw with grief over the pain of having their beloved mother|father|sister|brother|husband|wife|child ripped from them too soon. I wonder angrily how people will politicize this one…what seed of hatred that they harbor in their heart that they will dredge out to bloom in the name of righteousness.

The first of Chickadee’s backpack tags for her little group of friends (one of them is from Paris).

I live in incredible privelege. Some of it economic, some of it is societal. When my kids ride the bus, I wait at a bus stop chatting with a Muslim mom in a niquab who drives her neighbor, a Hatian mom who speaks very little English to pick up their kids every day…another mom is from England, and two other occasional bus rider parents are a Chinese grandma and a stay-at-home dad (I’m going to miss this diversity when we move). Its a lower-middle/middle class neighborhood with one of the handful of good schools in the city, and a large park with a great playground. There’s some crime, but anything more than the occasional overnight car break in is unusual. My kids have never known violence…they’ve never even seen The Hubby and I get in an arguement that wasn’t fake and/or silly. How do you explain this to a kid whose playmate is Parisian, here for a couple of years because of a parent serving abroad?

1849:  Sometimes I forget that my empathetic little pop tart can be remarkably pragmatic–we have now been elbow deep with perler beads making “France hearts” for a while. My job is the ironing.

On Friday night, I read a sentence in a comment by another member that hit me–Wisdom is scattered in the wind, and no man is able to assemble it.  Immediately, my response was this:

But we can try.

And indeed we must.

…there is, after all, only one other choice.

To go give up and give in. I’m all for knowing when to bend—when bending is the strategy that will achieve eventual effective results.

If insanity is defined by doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, then call me insane. I will tilt at windmills and rage against the dying of the light, that one day those of us fighting to piece together the wisdom of humanity and live within the dictates of compassion will be a vocal majority.

Because that one day will come.

But not today.

Today we are still beautiful monsters…capable of depravity and terror in equal measure with kindness and nobility. And I have faith that we can still answer the former with the latter.

 

1931: Biology has had a controversial hypothesis that goes by the moniker of the “hopeful monster”–a term used to describe an event of spontaneous change (the specific changes probably aren’t important here, but just as an FYI, they are mutation, saltation, and speciation) in an organism that positively promotes new evolutionary groups. The name was created by the originator of the now defunct idea, Richard Goldschmidt (occasionally the term gets trotted out again for other ideas like punctuated equilibrium), but it has always stuck with me as a description of ourselves as a species.

We may not be undergoing speciation events, but our cultural evolution works at a pace that biological evolution will never emulate. As a species, we are beautiful and tragic hopeful monsters, full of depravity and virtue. Giving up because sometimes the former seems too much to overcome with the latter is not an option.

When we look at the big picture of human history, it becomes clear that Theodore Parker and Martin Luther King are right–the arc of the moral universe bends slowly, but it bends towards justice. But it only does that as long as the we are guided by the better angels of our nature and as long as we do not allow evil to flourish by doing nothing.

2057: Exactly six hours since I started this…

I think I’ll close with a prayer I came across on the internet a while back.

Let the rain come and wash away
the ancient grudges, the bitter hatreds
held and nurtured over generations.
Let the rain wash away the memory
of the hurt, the neglect.
Then let the sun come out and
fill the sky with rainbows.
Let the warmth of the sun heal us
wherever we are broken.
Let it burn away the fog so that
we can see each other clearly.
So that we can see beyond labels,
beyond accents, gender or skin color.
Let the warmth and brightness
of the sun melt our selfishness.
So that we can share the joys and
feel the sorrows of our neighbors.
And let the light of the sun
be so strong that we will see all
people as our neighbors.
Let the earth, nourished by rain,
bring forth flowers
to surround us with beauty.
And let the mountains teach our hearts
to reach upward to heaven.

(Rabbi Harold Kushner)

Advertisement

The Human Cost of Freedom, thoughts for the 4th

Tags

4th of July, America, freedom, hypocricy, Justice, privilege, race

If you are American, particularly if you are a white American, male, Christian (especially if you are Protestant), and most definitely if you are rich; basically, if you have any of the markers in our society of possessing what is called privilege (and certainly there are others–if you are straight, thin, attractive, able-bodied, you too have privilege in our society), you should take the time to read Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States.

For me, it is something that I take the time to read and reread every few years, but I truly think every American should read it at least once, because it is eye-opening and instructive, in a way that very little of the history you learned in school was, particularly on the matter of how this country was actually built.  There is a lot I considered saying here…in defense of my own privilege, in apology of it, in defense of my own lack of privilege, in apology of it…  The matters of race, in particular, are difficult to address, and I cannot pretend to have the ability to be able to do them justice.  But I can try to speak with some accuracy and integrity and honesty about my feelings on the problem of our historical ignorance and denialism, and the manner in which I think, I hope, we can begin to recognize both.

History is the memory of states,” wrote Henry Kissinger in his first book, A World Restored, in which he proceeded to tell the history of nineteenth-century Europe from the viewpoint of the leavers of Austria and England, ignoring the millions who suffered from those statesmen’s policies… But for factory workers in England, farmers in France, colored people in Asia and Africa, women and children everywhere except in the upper classes, it was a world of conquest, violence, hunger, exploitation–a world not restored but disintegrated.

My viewpoint, in telling the history of the United States, is different: that we must not accept the memory of states as our own. Nation are not communities and never have been. The history of any country, presented as the history of a family, conceals fierce conflicts of interest (sometimes exploding, most often repressed) between conquerors and conquered, masters and slaves, capitalists and workers, dominators and dominated in race and sex. And in such a world of conflict, a world of victims and executioners, it is the job of a thinking people, as Albert Camus suggested, not to be on the side of the executioners.

Thus, in that inevitable taking of sides which comes from selection and emphasis in history, I prefer to try to tell the story of the discovery of America from the viewpoint of the Arawaks, of the Constitution from the standpoint of the slaves, of Andrew Jackson as sheen by the Cherokees, of the Civil Was as seen by the New York Irish, of the Mexican War as seen by the deserting soldiers of Scott’s army, of the rise of industrialism as seen by the young women of the Lowell textile mills, of the Spanish-American war as seen by the Cubans, the conquest of the Philippines as seen by black soldiers on Luzon, the Gilded Age as seen by southern farmers, the First World War as seen by socialists, the Second World War as seen by pacifists, the New Deal as seen by blacks in Harlem, the post war American empire as seen by peons in Latin America. And so on, to the limited extent that any one person, however he or she strains, can “see” history from the standpoint of others.

My point is not to grieve for the victims and denounce the executioners. Those tears, that anger, cast into the past, deplete our moral energy for the present. And the lines are not always clear. In the long run, the oppressor is also a victim. In the short run (and so far, human history has consisted only of short runs), the victims, themselves desperate and tainted with the culture that oppresses them, turn on other victims.

~Howard Zinn, A People’s History of the United States

Particularly if you are white, male, Christian (especially if you are Protestant), and most definitely if you are rich, you are taking part (wittingly or unwittingly, willingly or unwillingly, fairly or unfairly) in a system responsible for a both genocide and the total subjugation of peoples on the basis of race, religion, and class. This is true whether you are from the United States, or (as I have learned over the years from my international friends) if you are in Australia or Canada–pretty much anywhere that Europeans saw fit to make a profit on the backs of native peoples. Since I am from the US, I’m going to leave the sin of those nations to the privileged peoples of those countries to explore, and focus on the sins of this nation, to which we are all complicit in perpetuating to one group or another.

Among those most wronged in the history of this nation are its original, Native inhabitants, the Africans brought to its shores in chains, and the descendants of both. To be sure (only because someone is sure to comment upon it defensively), the privileged have wronged other people as well–Catholics and Baptists in the colony of Virginia, factory and mine workers during the 1930’s, migrant workers in the West, women of all colors (though white women such as myself share less of the burden there), the veterans from a number of wars–from Black soldiers in the Union army to the Bonus Army to the veterans of Vietnam, families in Japanese Americans internment camps, immigrants from every corner of the world, Muslims, particularly after 9/11…and this is in no way a comprehensive list. But the scale of these wrongs is nowhere close to that of what has been done by white Americans to Native Americans and Black Americans.

History classes have traditionally ignored this aspect of our nation’s history; if you are lucky enough to take an AP or honors class in high school with a good teacher or a university history class from a professor that thinks of a general, introductory history class as more than a collection of dates, you might learn a little bit more than the average citizen. But by and large, Americans are ignorant about the realities of their own history, and loathe to remedy that situation.

It is astounding to me that we, as a nation, criticize the Japanese for their failure to address the most heinous aspects of their recent Imperial history–the rape of Nanking, the Bataan Death March, the forced prostitution of comfort women, and the testing of chemical and biological weapons on civilian populations while Columbus Day is a national holiday and the nation’s capitol’s football team is named after a derogatory term used to other the indigenous people of this continent, that the majority still seeks ways to keep minorities from voting (a right that they died for at the hands of mobs of that majority) and where a flag that symbolized open rebellion over the right to own people and the terrorization of Black Americans is a bumper sticker for regional pride and “sticking to the man” (ironic, when the people perpetuating this falsehood are, in fact “the man”).

And so, as we get ready to celebrate the great American myth (on my more optimistic days I like to think of it as our founding goal)–that this country was founded on the principle of freedom from tyranny, I think it is proper that we take a moment to think about men and women that were crushed by that freedom, and that still struggle under the weight of its memory. Because this nation, this quilt of communities, stitched together by blood and struggle, will never be free until we have reconciled the simple fact that privilege is paid for in human coin.

As we enjoy our barbecues, take a moment to remember the millions of men and women and children that were brutally terrorized in conquest to build the cities and towns in which we live (and the millions more killed by the diseases our ancestors and our predecessors spread to them, and the hundreds of thousands more displaced from their traditional homelands). Take a moment to remember the millions of men and women and children that died at sea, crammed into the dank, dark hulls of ships, snatched from their homes for the profit of greedy men, under the guise of religious salvation. Take a moment to remember that many of the very authors of the Declaration of Independence, so focused in the injustice of taxation without representation ignored the injustice of their contrived white superiority.

As we enjoy our fireworks, take a moment to remember the families and cultures torn asunder by those in power–the Native American children sent to white schools meant to “civilize” them and the Black parents and children sold as chattel to keep them in their place. Take a moment to remember the men and women beaten and killed for daring to live free. Take a moment to remember that the President of the United States of America ignored both Congress and the Supreme Court to send an entire nation of peoples on a march that rivals the Bataan Death March. Take a moment to remember that even after the end of slavery that Black Americans were terrorized in their homes, their churches, and their communities for daring to vote, to ride a bus, to use a lunch counter. Take a moment to remember travesties so numerous that I cannot possibly recount them all in one blog post–volumes have been written to document them.

Privilege comes in many guises, from race, religion, economic status, gender, sexual identity, and level of education to regionalism, ethnicity, language, appearance, physical ability, neurodiversity, and beyond. For most of this nation’s history, not being these things–whiteness, Christianness, maleness, straightness, etc, were seen as inferior, as a weakness, and the people that had them were exploited and oppressed. This tendency to create and subjugate people for their differences has been a long tradition in human history–this is not an excuse for the behavior of our forefathers, but rather a statement of fact. But despite this tendency, or perhaps because of it, because of those that struggle against it, there is something else that is true. To add a thought to a phrase from Dr. Martin Luther King and Theodore Parker, the moral arc of the universe is long, but it surely bends towards justice…and with justice, so follows freedom.

Let us endeavor to ensure that all of us can partake of that freedom, not just some of us.  It is the least that we can offer after five centuries of human sacrifice upon the altar of American nation-building.

What has happened cannot be changed, but today we must work towards a more humane America, a more Indian America, where men and nature once again are important; where the Indian values of honor, truth, and brotherhood prevail.

~Frank James, in a censored speech, 1970, the entirety of which should be read and can be found here

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.

~Dr. Martin Luther King, “I have a dream” speech, 1963, the entirety of which (as well as video) of which should be watched and read here

Maxim Monday: No promises

Tags

ancient Greece, keeping promises, maxim monday, oath breaking, oath making, perjury, promises

There are three Delphic Maxims that speak very clearly and very redundantly (in case you missed their council the first time!) on the subject of making promises, oaths, and pledges. The advice is simple…don’t. Don’t make oaths, don’t make promises, don’t make pledges, and if you have to…run away rather than making one, no matter who you would be making it to.

I’m thinking this has less to do with the idea of commitment in and of itself, and more to do with the potential for breaking an oath.  In ancient Greece (as in many ancient cultures), oath making was a Big Deal.  The oath in Greek society had 3 main parts–the actual commitment itself, the swearing of that commitment to the gods, and the acceptance of a curse should the oath not be fulfilled.*  For example, the Hippocratic Oath is made to the gods Apollo (as The Physician), Asclepius, Hygieia, Panaceia, “and all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses”, and ends with the caveat, “If I fulfill this oath and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and art, being honored with fame among all men for all time to come; if I transgress it and swear falsely, may the opposite of all this be my lot.”

It makes sense then, that the advice concerning oaths, would be to avoid them completely.  Oaths in ancient Greece were present in all of society, from oaths of political office, to business contracts.  And they were unbreakable–meaning, if you broke one, you had consented to punishment from the gods (and from the legal system).  Breaking an oath in ancient Greece was perjury, and perjury was a sin in the eyes of the gods, particularly the Furies (according to Homer) and to Apollo (according to Herodotus), who would punish the descendants of the perjurer.  Between the various philosophers there was some dissension on what precisely constituted oath breaking–if one was unable to fulfill an oath, due to circumstance…was that perjury or not?  And over time, the views changed as well as to what exactly was “breaking” a oath.**

But what does that tell us for today?  Should this maxim still stand?  If we read it as “Don’t make promises you have no intention of keeping, or doubt your ability to keep”, then I think yes.  We should hesitate before we make an oath.  Our automatic response to promise-making should be not to make one, unless we really, really, really think it is that important, and really, really, really intend to fulfill it.

My dad and I, at my boot camp graduation, in August 2003.

From the girl that took the Oath of Enlistment some 10 years ago, it is a Big Deal.

Notes:
*source
**source

Wednesday Musings

Tags

allergies, asthma, diet, food, hamster, history, pirates, read aloud, recipes, reenacting

Ugh…I feel awful.  Tired and bloated and just…ugh.  And its all my mother-in-law’s fault.  Well, not really.  You see, my MIL came into town for a long weekend to visit, and we ate at restaurants for every meal but breakfast for 3 days.  Normally, as a family, we maybe go out to eat, maybe, twice in a month.  Add to that our mostly vegetarian and minimally processed foods normal eating habits, and well…you might be able to imagine how I feel right now.  Plus, after 3 years on Implanon, I’m having my first real time of month in, well… almost 4 years.  I’ve managed to gain 6 lbs in 6 days (I only know this because I went to the doctor last week and then yesterday to deal with my breathing issues, and was weighed there).  I wonder how long it will take me to feel “normal” again.

Which brings me to good news!  I’m on my third day of using Advair, and I haven’t needed my abuterol inhaler yet!  This is seriously a miracle of modern medicine.  Since January, I’ve used my inhaler at least 4-6 times a day (which is the max I’m supposed to use it)…and still ended up in the ER 3 times.   What’s even worse, is that this last round of prednisone didn’t even lessen my need for the inhaler.  We still aren’t sure what exactly is causing this (I have lots of lab tests pending), but at least I can breathe!

The Read Aloud Project: One of the bloggers I enjoy and I follow has this *way too cool* idea for a read aloud list, which The Hubby and I hope to emulate with Sharkbait and Chickadee.  We’ve already read Little House on the Prairie, and are currently reading Stewart Little while we wait for Little House in the Big Woods and Farmer Boy to arrive in the mail (we bought them in hardcover, used from Amazon for a penny, plus shipping…which comes out to four dollars!).  We  are still working on a list, but I know I also want to include The Egypt Game, Charlotte’s Web, A Wrinkle in Time,  and the first Harry Potter book for this year.

Loving where I live: Virginia is a place of history…from Jamestown to the Civil War to today.  One of the groups that really bring history in this part of Virginia alive is the Tidewater Maritime Living History Association, a group that portrays “sailor’s lives in the Age of Sail, by presenting nautical history and general seamanship knowledge to the public” through ” living history demonstrations, battle reenactments, school programs, parades and memorial dedication activities”. I had the pleasure of meeting these guys at a living history event, and I think The Hubby and I have decided that we (the family) are going to reenact with them in addition to our Civil War reenacting.

Picture of the Day: Ensign at Half-mast aboard the USS Wisconsin BB 64

Quote of the Week: And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it. (Roald Dahl)

Herb of the Week: Yarrow is great for skin, soreness and wounds in a wash, bath or salve.  Magically it can be used for protection and purification.  It grows wild for forage, or can be cultivated.  And most importantly, its one of my favorite herbs!

Deity of the Week: Satet is the deification of the Nile flooding, whose name means “she who shoots forth”.  She was a goddess of war, hunting and fertility, among other things.  Her originated in the city now known as Aswan, and was also worshiped at Elephantine (an island of the Nile) as one of the consorts of Khnum.

Tarot Card of the Week:  The Five of Swords

When this card appears it usually means that you are defeated – cheated out of victory by a vily and cunning opponent. But sometimes you are that victor, the one who has defeated your opponents through the use of your mind. Whether the victory was an ethical one remains to be seen.

But let us return to the theme of defeat, which is the primary meaning of the Five of Swords. This is perhaps why the card is so unwelcome in readings; it shows that, despite your best efforts, you are likely to be beaten. But the Five of Swords is not only about being defeated and disappointed because of that defeat. If you allow yourself to become disillusioned after such a loss then you are on the path to greater ruin. Take defeat, learn from it, and then try again to succeed. It has been said that a good man will be beaten, and accept losing – but a great man will be beaten, then go back and win.

When the Five of Swords appears and you feel that you are on the winning side this time, there is still a warning to heed. Arrogance and pride often come hand in hand with a difficult victory such as this, and you must be careful not to think you are invincible. You have overcome a challenge, and you have the right to feel proud, but know that there will be other foes to face and that some of them will eventually defeat you. Declaring your invincibility is an invitation for someone to prove you wrong. If your victory was won through cheating or unethical conduct, beware of an attempt at vengeance.

source

Random Recipe Links:  So, I was somehow volunteered to be in charge of the 2nd annual Luau at our church (we belong to a Unitarian Universalist Congregation)…our theme this year is to have a pirate invasion, some Tahitian dancers, a costume contest and a reverse raffle to raise “ransom money” for the pirate invasion.  But, of course, the most important part of a luau is THE FOOD!  So, we’ve been checking out some recipes.  Our tentative menu includes a choice of Kalua Pig, Chicken and Pineapple Satay or Tofu Kebabs with (maybe) Pineapple Coleslaw, some random rice dish, and an array of appetizers, with either shave ice or pineapple cake for dessert.

Food Idea: Try adding veggies to your breakfast tomorrow...  I love zucchini!  Even for breakfast! This morning, for breakfast, I shredded half a zucchini and sauteed it with some onion, garlic and tomato.  Then I cracked an egg over the top and scrambled it all together with a sprinkle of salt and pepper and some basil.  Just sprinkle a tad bit of mozzarella over the top, and maybe crumble some bacon over as well…and delish!

And don’t forget the last drink for the night.

Final Thought: We got a new hamster the other day.  He’s a Siberian Dwarf, and Sharkbait named him “Gray” (he’s gray).  He’s really calm, and the kids are super-excited for tomorrow, when we can take him out of the cage to play with him (we were giving him a few days to get used to the transition).  Pictures will follow shortly!

Maxim Monday: Deal kindly with everyone

Tags

#delphicmaxims, compassion, Delphic Maxims, golden rule, kindness, monday maxims

Delphic Maxim #93
Deal Kindly With Everyone
(Φιλοφρονει πασιν)

Yes, I know…I’m posting this on a Tuesday. Its because I was about to fall asleep trying to type last night…I seriously nodded off  on the keyboard to find that my nose had replaced what I had written with nonsense.  I figured that was my sign to call it a night.  Better late and “legible” than on time and nonsensical!

There are a number of the Delphic Maxims that I consider analogous to the Golden Rule (I wrote about another one of them a few weeks ago)..including this one.  Since I’m not going through the Maxims in order, I’ve been browsing the list to see whatever speaks to me at the moment, and in light of my post yesterday, I thought that the timing was good to talk about this one.  Delphic Maxim #93 asks that we Deal Kindly With Everyone.

How can we do that in our everyday lives?

We need to ask each other and ourselves what actions and traits and values show kindness.  Then we need to figure out how to know which kindnesses are needed, when, and by whom (is an unwelcome “kindness” really kind?).  We need the capacity to know if we are really responding to an actual need for kindness and not our own projection of need (or lack of it).  And, I think that perhaps there is a need for us to learn (relearn?) to accept kindness at face value without projecting a negative intent that might really originate in our own personal biases on to it.  Of course, we first need to hash out an operational definition of what it means to be kind.

Thalassa’s Wordle of Kindness

Before I start pontificating on what it means to be kind, I’d like to point out one thing.  The maxim says “deal kindly with everyone”, not “deal kindly with others” or “deal kindly with people like you” or “deal kindly with people you like”.  Everyone means yourself, it means people you don’t like, it means people you don’t know, it means people that aren’t like you…and (personally) it isn’t even necessarily exclusive to people in the first place (is it weird that I tilt my head to the side when I click on the italics button?).  So…deal kindly with yourself, with your neighbor, with your family, with your friends, with your enemies, with strangers, with the gods, with your pets, with your flora and fauna–well, with EVERYONE!

Since I think we all have the picture now, back to kindness…

For me,  the most basic kindness for others that we can do as we go about our lives is to first, do no harm.  Now, realistically, I doubt that it is possible to never do harm.  Its one of the problems I have with people that take a literal reading of the Wiccan Rede, as even the best of intentions and the actions resulting in the most good can cause harm somewhere.  But avoiding harm or minimizing potential harm should perhaps be the most basic, default kindness setting we have.  To me, living kindly on an everyday basis means living as sustainable as possible and to strive for a radical acceptance* of others.  And really, this is pretty easy to do on a surface level with the people you encounter on a daily basis, but don’t actually *know*–a smile and some polite words is the most basic demonstration of kindness you can show someone.

Secondly, to practice kindness that goes beyond what I consider common courtesy, I think we need to learn to listen with compassion to the needs of others.  We need to look within ourselves to acknowledge our own places of privilege that make it difficult to hear what is actually being said (rather than what we are biased to hear).  We need to learn to ask questions in a way that seeks and honest and respectful understanding of the challenges of others.  And, when we offer criticism** it needs to be without ego, period (if you can’t manage that, just put a lid on it).  Finally, we need to work together to balance competing needs (of ourselves and our cohorts with the need of others) and to “share what we can spare” (as my momma used to say) to meet the actual needs (rather than our perception of them from our place of privilege) of those we deal with (don’t forget, this includes ourselves).  Most importantly, while doing all this, we need to remember that the actual needs of individuals may not be what we are willing or able to give them–and that needs go beyond the material.  We also need to know our limitations and when it might be better to do nothing at all (in an effort to cause no harm, or to minimize the harm we might cause) because our idea of kindness might not be what is needed or necessary.

Okay, lets get some realism in here.  I don’t think it is either necessary, nor practical to do all of that all the time for everyone we encounter on a daily basis.  I’m no paragon of perfection, and I like my sanity.  There are quite simply too many people with too many challenges to care for them all.  With that being said, I believe that we should strive to deliver the first “level” of kindness to everyone to the best of our ability, but I don’t think that we automatically “owe” the second, more in depth level of kindness to anyone other than ourselves…with one caveat.  When we choose to enter into conversation or congress with others, we ought to do so as kindly as we can manage…and if we can’t do so kindly (which should be measured at least in part by how kind–or not–we are being perceived as), we should probably rethink ourselves and our egos a bit.

And that’s how a simple idea gets all sorts of complexified.  Thanks for tuning into another episode of Thalassa Overthinking Things (otherwise known as Maxim Monday)!

*Probably another topic for another day, but to hit the highlights, when I talk about radical acceptance, I mean radical in the myriad of way the dictionary defines it (outside of a chemistry term) rather than the limited way that it is generally used in conversation.  To me, radical acceptance means an open minded and open-hearted non-judgmental valuing of the inherent worth of all persons.  It doesn’t mean that you have to agree with them or approve of them, but it does mean that they should be treated with dignity and that they have  intrinsic rights which should be respected.

**Ever walk out of a restroom with your skirt hem caught in your pantyhose?  If we are honest with ourselves, criticism (when done well on both ends) can be a damn good kindness.

A post-script thought…One thing that I didn’t talk about was being the person being kindly dealt with.  I think it goes without saying that someone might be well-meaning and *think* they are doing a kindness, and even in a best case scenario where they are honestly trying to set their inherent prejudices aside, etc…and still ultimately fail.  I think we, when the recipient of “kindness” that we *don’t* find “kind” then find ourselves in a position where we need to evaluate how to deal with that person in a manner that is kind.   This might mean some gentle criticism where we need to put our own egos aside.

~this has been part of a series of posts on the Delphic Maxims~