Definition by Metaphor

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boxes, deity, god, gods, metaphors, monotheism, panentheism, pantheism, polytheism, religion, theism opinions, views of deity

…Useful if you don’t take yourself too seriously.  If you take yourself too seriously, you might be offended.  Then again, if you’re the type of person that takes yourself too seriously and might be offended, I’m not sure why you read my blog in the first place!

Although, in all actual seriousness, this is how I first explained the differences in how people view deity to my kids (though I’ve added a few since then)–and it was something they understood easily.

 

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Follow Your Jiminy Cricket

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children, conscience, diversity, friendship, interfaith friends, pagan parenting, parenting

Chickadee was quieter than usual Monday afternoon, but it wasn’t until dinner time until I found out that another little girl in her class “can’t be friends anymore” because Chickadee isn’t a Christian.

Le sigh.  I knew this day would come eventually.  But 2nd grade?  Really?

What kind of asshole parent has their 8 year old so indoctrinated that they won’t play with kids that don’t do religion with Jesus?  Totally not WWJD, the hypocrites.  Can’t blame the little girl though, its the parents–what a smallness of spirit and an insecurity of the heart they must have.

Chickadee said the little girl asked her if she “could just pretend (to be Christian” to which Chickadee responded with “If I have to pretend to be something I’m not for you to be my friend, then you really aren’t my friend.”  When I asked what about it (being sad), she said, “Yes, but Mo-om, I have to follow my Jiminy Cricket” (meaning her conscience).

As a parent, I’m elated that my child is independent enough to stand up for herself…and I’m just a little bit heartbroken that not only is she losing a friend over this, but that a parent would put their child in a position to have to give up a friend because they are different.  That’s not how we have raised our children (but I can’t take all the credit–Chickadee is the kind of kid that takes on learning sign language in order to make friends with a little girl with a cochlear implant).  I can’t even fathom parenting that would seek to separate children from making friends on the basis of being different–what makes us beautiful is what makes us different.  And luckily that is not how most of her friends have been raised, since we are fortunate enough to live in a fairly diverse community (for the South).

But still.  This rankles.  And since I was concerned that this could become a problem for the rest of the school year, I spoke with her teacher after school on Tuesday to (as I put it to my mom) “to inform her of the situation, in case it became a problem”.

I think her teacher was more upset than I was.  As far as her teacher is concerned, not wanting to be someone’s friend because they belong to a different religion is “no different than choosing not to be someone’s friend because of their skin color” (and patently unacceptable in her classroom).   And, as far as the school is concerned, religion is something you talk about at home, not with your classmates.*  Chickadee informed me after school today that her class “got talked to” about those two concepts….

One of the challenges of Pagan parenting (or any parenting that isn’t in line with social norms) is helping foster the sort of confidence that lets a child stand up to their peers while maintaining an integrity to themselves (a second challenge was keeping Daddy from going nuclear over the threat to his precious pixie punk princess).

I can only hope that in the years to come she retains this ability–she is going to need it on many more fronts than this one.

*This is an approach that I understand, and can appreciate, if only because I can respect that it is easier (with all of the other crap schools and teachers have to deal with) to just not encourage it.  Although, I strongly think that schools should teach about world religions as a matter of fact, as part of world cultures, geography, history, and literature (the key words being teach , about, and fact)…something which is actually quite legal when done well , even in a public school setting.  Religious literacy is a crucial piece of cultural literacy and failing to teach about the basic facts of religions is a failing of our society.  With that having been said, I’m fairly sure that many US students would be failed (and I don’t mean in terms of grades) if if their schools did teach world religions (and I’m pretty sure this is a vicious cycle of ignorance).

Maxim Monday: Have respect for suppliants (Ικετας αιδου)

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#delphicmaxims, #paganvalues, behavior, civility in religion, interfaith, interfaith etiquette, maxim monday, prayer, religion and politics, religious freedom, respect, tolerance

Its been a while since I’ve done one of these (at least a year, I think), but I came a cross a spot-on blog post on a topic that is near and dear to my heart, and I thought it might be time to bring back Maxim Mondays (not every Monday to be sure, but more often than not at all!).

Originally, I had something of a slightly different tenor in mind.  Something lofty, something about being our best selves, something about respecting the individual and collective search for truth of all people, even those we disagree with. Because I think that having respect was something that should be self-evident among a majority of reasonable people. Because I think that religion has become the scapegoat for the behavior of people who are just assholes.

Christian, Jew, Muslim, shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the mystery, unique and not to be judged.
~Rumi

Because, when in the presence of the prayers of persons belonging to a religion that is not my own, I take a moment to bow my head, close my eyes, and think of bloody England out of good manners, and respect so that they may have their moment of reverence.   Because I was raised to think that a certain level of civility in public discourse is essential to a diverse society and that most people understand that it takes the cooperation of all peoples to maintain that civility.  Because I think that we should respect the person as a person, even if we disagree with their beliefs.

In fact, I even had it written and scheduled to post tomorrow morning.  And then I deleted it all.  Because I’m sick of some people use their religion as a shield for being an asshole. (really, you should go read this, because the entire post is going to be a rant about it)

Wide differences of opinion in matters of religious, political, and social belief must exist if conscience and intellect alike are not to be stunted, if there is to be room for healthy growth.

~Teddy Roosevelt

Let me first say that this event comes as no surprise (particularly after a similar event a few weeks or so ago).  Let me secondly say that I strongly feel that religion has no part in governance, not even in invocatory prayers.  If you need to pray to do your job, do it on your own time like every other wage earning member of the public is forced to do.  But, with that being said, if we are to acknowledge and continue the tradition of invocations in the legislature, or any other place of civil governance or official state-sponsored event, then it must be open to everyone.

Sure, those who disagree with an invocation certainly have the right to walk out or turn their back or heck, to stand upside down and sing a song. Actually doing so makes them an asshole with no manners.  And, in this case, an asshole with no manners using their religion as the scapegoat for their bad behavior.  If you are a Christian that feels the need to turn your back in protest for an interfaith prayer, you are not “being like Jesus” or showing strength of conviction, you are only showing that you are so insecure in your beliefs that you can’t manage basic civility, and you look like an ignorant bigot.  You’d have been better not to show up at all (and hold your own prayers privately.

If man is to survive, he will have learned to take a delight in the essential differences between men and between cultures. He will learn that differences in ideas and attitudes are a delight, part of life’s exciting variety, not something to fear.

~Gene Roddenberry

Religion is a tool.  It can be both beneficial and benign, but it can also be destructive; it all depends on the heart of the person using it.  When one’s heart is bound with hate and darkened with ignorance and fear, religion becomes a tool that divides and destroys. Respecting someone’s expression of their religion does not mean allowing bad behavior to pass without comment.  Respecting religion does not mean tolerating incivility and intolerance.  Respecting religious freedom is not a free pass to allow ashattery to run unchecked.

If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.

~John F. Kennedy

I don’t care what name (or names) are used to address what one believes to be divine in this universe, how our how often one prays, what books one reads, holidays one celebrates, or what dogma (or lack of it) they claim represents that power; I care that one treats others with the same compassion and respect that they would wish for themselves from someone whose beliefs are different from their own.

And if they can’t manage that, then they should at least learn to use some good manners.

From the Wee Grimoire: All Creatures Great and Small (Pagan style)

Tags

all creatures great and small, childrens song, pagan parenting

 

The hubby and I have re-purposed a number of things from our Christian childhoods with our own kids…to toss out a few examples–Jesus Loves Me became The Goddess Loves Me*, Twas the Night Before Christmas became The Night Before Yule, and our family’s manger scene hosts a baby Sun King, Mother Nature, and a herald fairy. Another one that we have adapted was a favorite of mine as a child, I figured I’d share because apparently they are “getting too old for bedtime songs”.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
Nature made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
Selected for their glowing colors,
Evolution made their tiny wings.

All things bright and beautiful…

The purple headed mountain,
The stream running by;
The sunset and the moonrise,
That brightens up our sky.

All things bright and beautiful…

The cold wind of the Winter,
The zebras as they run;
The lizard in the desert
Warming ‘neath the noontime sun.

All things bright and beautiful…

The heron fishing in the river,
The bears emerging from their dens,
The hatching of an egg
in a nest full of baby wrens.

All things bright and beautiful…

The redwoods in the forest,
The ocean where dolphins play,
The sunset across the prairie,
Bees gathering honey every day;

All things bright and beautiful…

Selection gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell,
How wonderful is Evolution,
That has made things tolerably well.

All things bright and beautiful…

*If you were wondering the words for The Goddess Loves Me (which could easily be adapted to any number of deities), they go something like this:

The Goddess loves me this I know, my heart and soul tell me so.  In her arms I’ll safely stay, as I walk the path we’ve laid.  Yes the Goddess loves me, yes the Goddess loves me.  Yes the Goddess loves me, the whole world tells me so.

Thalassa’s Etiquette Guidelines for Interfaith Discussions (Version 2.0)

Tags

can't we all just get along, interfaith discussion, religious etiquette, tolerance

I’ve updated this a bit since I wrote and posted it the first time in 2011.  Here’s the updated version…

1.) If someone asks about your religious beliefs, share (respectfully and with compassion). If they don’t ask, don’t assume that sharing will be welcome and go out of your way to do so. Do not engage in a religious discussion with the intent of being “right” or “winning”–a discussion about religion will always go wrong if its about being “right”.

2.) If you feel compelled to ask someone else as a way to spark a discussion about their beliefs, back off if they aren’t interested. If someone else approaches you about a disussion of your beliefs and you don’t feel that the time, place, or person is appropriate for the conversation…you are not obligated to participate in it. If you decline, try to do so politely–not being obliged to participate isn’t a call to be a jerk.

3.) Make sure the setting is appropriate for the discussion so neither party will feel uncomfortable. Places where a discussion of religion is generally a bad idea–at work, at a family reunion, at a wedding or funeral, in line at the grocery, etc.

4.) Don’t act like your truth is everyone’s truth–it isn’t, because if it were, there wouldn’t be a conversation on the matter (they’d already be agreeing with you). When expressing your beliefs to someone of another belief system, use I-statements to express your personal beliefs.

5.) Whenever possible, refrain from using absolute or exclusive language (when speaking/writing), but don’t assume that absolute or exclusive statements are made with negative intent (when listening/reading). If you are unsure of someone’s intent or motivation, ask them to explain or elaborate or clarify their statements.

6.) If you are in a mutual discussion of beliefs, don’t use your theological opinion as a tool for condemnation, insult, or bullying. Don’t use your difference of religious opinion as an excuse for these things either. Religious differences exist because we individually and collectively experience life in a myriad of ways–don’t denigrate the sincerely held belief of another because your life experiences have been different than theirs.

7.) Realize that the people who vocally use their beliefs about religion as an excuse to be a jerk are louder than those that don’t, if you want to be a good ambassador for your faith, act your ideals (even share them in moderation and with respect when they are welcome) but don’t preach them.

8.) Language is imprecise–different religious and denominations have differing terminology; understand the limits of your religious literacy and ask for clarification if you are unsure of one’s meaning. Be sure to differentiate personal beliefs from institutional beliefs.

9.) Disagreement is not an automatic insult or attack. Try to refrain from taking offense to comments that may be well-intended, but poorly phrased. If you feel that you are being attacked, take a step back and reevaluate–often people imagine mistake a difference of opinion for a personal criticism…and even more often people mistake criticism of an idea as a personal insult. If someone feels that you are attacking them, take a step back and reevaluate.

10.) Courteously and constructively correct misinformation. Do not get drawn into an argument (as opposed to a debate). To the best of your ability, be polite–even when the other person is not. Speak with respect and compassion. To the best of your ability, be patient–even when the other person is not.

11.) If things start going badly, be the adult and back off. When this happens, don’t wait for the other person – do it first. If you are a person that has to have the last word, remember that walking away with dignity while the other person brays like an ass is its own last word.

12.) Know when to apologize. Conversations on deeply held personal beliefs can get heated. An unintentional insult is still an insult. Don’t leave a mutual exchange of ideas and beliefs by burning your bridges because of ignorance or an excess of pride on your part. It is possible to apologize to the person (for causing them distress) without apologizing for your beliefs themselves.