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bay witch musings

~ thoughts on parenting, paganism, science, books, witchcraft, nature, feminism, unitarian universalism, herbalism, cooking, conservation, crafting, the state of humanity, and life by the sea

bay witch musings

Category Archives: randomness

The 5 Questions

02 Saturday Jun 2018

Posted by thalassa in education, family, paganism, parenting, randomness, wisdom

≈ Leave a comment

Today, I ask both kids, for anything they do, to consider 5 questions. The questions have changed a bit, shifted in their complexity from when they were younger, but the idea behind them has been consistent since Sharkbait was in preschool and Chickadee was in kindergarten (now they are in the 4th and 6th grades, so it been a while). And sometimes I still make them tell me their answers…

But when I started, it was because Chickadee overheard a gym parent berating an older gymnast and was all wide-eyed and horrified as she grabbed her snack and drink. Goodness knows as someone who used to coach and teach lessons, I CANNOT STAND bullying sports parents, but I also don’t like being a bitch in front of my kids, so I walked up to her and asked if she was okay, and she said “I hope you never talk to me like that about something I love to do, just because I made a mistake.”

I looked at the dad, still ranting at a 10 or 11-year-old, who was trying to hold back tears and save some face in front of teammates and other parents and tiny kids that just want to do cartwheels.  And at the point where he grabbed his daughter by the shoulders to do the shaking-yell-in-the-face manuver that I was only too familiar with from my own childhood trauma, I grabbed both of Chickadee’s little hands and steered her a bit so she wasn’t looking at the dad and I more-or-less said this:

S__________, the ONLY thing this mother cares about when it comes to the activities you participate in is this:

First of all, are you working hard? I mean, you look like you are working hard, your hair looks like a scarecrow and you’re all red in the face like you ran around or something…what, were you working out?

Second, did you do the best that you could do? I mean, sometimes we just do stuff automatically…but when you do your best, you should think about all of the things that it takes to make something really good.  Nothing will ever be perfect because there’s always room for improvement, but as long as you give it your best shot according to what you are able to do, that’s what I care about as a parent.

Number three–Are you listening to your coach? It’s not my job to tell you how to do your gymnastics right, that’s your coach’s job.  She’s in charge of you, she has the expertise on this. I will encourage you, I will cheer for you, I will ask you to show off your skills so I can take picutres for grandma, I will be sad when you fall down, and I will kiss your boo-boos when you get hurt…but I’m just a spectator here.  I will never humiliate you by yelling at you in front of everyone, because that’s a bad example, whether its leadership or parenting.

Four, are you learning from what you are doing wrong? If you find 100 ways to fall down and learn something about how to be better from each and every one of them, I am MORE proud than if you’d gotten it right the first time and the second and 98 more.  Its a lot harder to get back up and try again when something is hard than when its easy.

And fifth, are you having fun?  This isn’t a job. You aren’t making a living here. Even if you want to be an Olympic gymnast someday, and I’d rather you didn’t, but if you did, you are a kid and this is an activity for exercise and play.  This should be fun.  That doesn’t mean you don’t have days where its work and hard and it hurts, but if you don’t get joy from flipping and flying in the air, then there’s no point to making you keep doing this once you’ve fulfilled your commitments.

And I said it loud.  Heck, for parts of it, I looked right at the dad…and at others, I looked at his daugher, because at that point she was looking at ME wide-eyed and perhaps a bit vaguely horrified.  The father, of course, was looking at me like he’d have shot me if only he had a gun in his Mercedes.  By then, the coaches (one of them, the owner) had come to see what was making everyone stare in our direction and call the girls (both of them to their respective practice), and the dad huffed off like any bully whose bullying has been foiled.  After class, I got a quiet thanks from the owner, who had heard what had happened and at least the end of what had been said.  For the next year, anytime I walked in with my kid, he walked out.

Afterwards, I wrote down what a paraphrased version of what I said because I thought it was something I wanted to keep telling them…which I have, though the wording has changed a bit.  I was reminded of this occasion though, because happened to be cleaning out some papers last week and found what I’d written it down upon!

I find myself coming back to this, now that I am about to complete a major milestone in my life, two years (plus some, in procrastination and preparation) in the making, and complete graduate school.

The Evolution of the 5 Questions

1) Did you do the best that you could do at the time? Let face it, somedays the best we can give is not our best. For that matter, somedays, “the best that I could do at the time” was not a damn thing… But overall, I’d like to think I do (there is no try, only do) the best we can that day, and the next day, and the next. AFAIC, that’s what I expect from the kids too–do the best you can do and move forward, no recriminations for a bad day, but no excuses either.

2) Did you work hard? …I used to ask if the kids if they worked their hardest, but let’s be honest, the words we use to explain things matter. No one is physically or mentally able to do 110% or even 100%, 24/7. Adults don’t do it, so the idea that it should be expected of a child is ridiculously hypocritical. Kids shouldn’t have expectations put on them by adults that adults can’t even bothered to achieve.

3) Did you look for the wisdom of those around you? When they were little, I asked them “Did you listen to your teacher/coach/etc.?” Its a question about teaching them that different people are athourities about different things, about behavior towards people with different expertises, in addition to value. But now that they are older, I want them to consider what else they can learn by paying attention to their surroundings, by seeing all people as potential contributors, and by considering all points of view, even those they might not agree with.  If you look for wisdom, you won’t always find it, but you will still learn something.

4) Did you find something of value from the experience? The earlier and simpler preK-1st/2nd grade version of this when they were little was “did you have fun?” As well all know, however, life is not all fun and games.  Part of growing up is learning that shitty things can still be valuable, that difficult things can be valueable, that painful (physical or mentally) things can be valueable. Its up to us to find the value in the things we have to do as much as in the things we want to do.

5) Did you learn from your mistakes and failures? And honestly, they know this is the most important question of the 5, because its the one that I expect a fully-formed and thoughtful answer on…and its one I’m not afraid to share with them. I think its our job as parents to model how we want them to be, but also to discuss when we don’t always live up to that ourselves and why.  I’m a big believer in parental fallibility–a parent should be honest about when they did something wrong, even in their role as a parent.  I think it makes your parenting more effective and I think it helps your kids respect you more as a human being that loves them and is doing their best rather than some untouchable paragon.

 

….And so, I can honestly say, yes.  I did the best that I was able. I worked hard. I learned a LOT, some of which was full of incredible wisdom. I found much of value, though right now my brain is mushy enough that I can’t remember it all.  And yes, I (mostly) learned from my mistakes and failures (except maybe the one of procrastination, because that is where true creativity lays, my friends…where it lays and where it lies…).

And now, not quite 1400 in the afternoon, it is time for a glass of wine.

 

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Late Ostara Musings

06 Sunday Apr 2014

Posted by thalassa in pagan, randomness

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Tags

mermaid party, Ostara, Spring

It seems apt, somehow, that our family celebrated Ostara late this year.  After all, we had snow that day.  And it is just this past week that we’ve consistently had temperatures over 50 degrees for more than two days in a row.  Perhaps even more telling than the vagaries of the thermometer, I’ve now been cursed at by a daddy-to-be goose protecting his nesting mate as I walked into work, the henbit and chickweed are blooming (yay, free smoothie greens!) and ready for foraging, and perhaps most importantly, the minions are getting restless with school and inside play and desperate to go to the beach…

First Tea of the Day: Green tea with chickweed and henbit (and honey)

Something I found on Facebook that made me lol:  10 Reasons Why You Should Never Get a Tattoo (but having a baby is fine)

And, in other news for the family, Chickadee is officially 7.  Her birthday party was last night–we are hosted the 2nd annual Mermaid Slumber Party.  The girls ate starfish pizza (from crescent rolls), decorated their own cupcakes, played outside with bubbles and those ribbon wand thingies (also hula hoops and jump ropes) wearing mermaid tails,  made jellyfish hats (which they also wore), and watched Disney movies into the wee hours of the morning.  This morning, they were *still* up at the crack of dawn and we had French toast, which they ate in the “undersea forts” they built of “seaweed” (blankets), and made candy sushi (to take home).

I’m exhausted.  The house is a wreck.

A Random App Recommendation: Toca Labs–its a free app that lets kids “discover” the elements of the periodic table by virtually heating, centrifuging, electrocuting, freezing, or adding chemicals little atom guys.  My only complaint is that they have a sort of Sims language thing going on, rather than telling the used the actual element name when its discovered.

But its really cute.  And its free.  And it kills time in the waiting room at the doctor’s office.

Tarot Card of the Day: Page of Cups

It took some hunting to find a Page of Cups that I *really* liked, but here we go…

Page of Cups from Shadowscapes Tarot, ©Stephanie Pui-Mun Law (shared with permission)

Page of Cups from Shadowscapes Tarot, ©Stephanie Pui-Mun Law
(shared with permission)

The Page of Cups is a sign of high emotion and beginnings.  It could signify a new love, or a creative endeavor, or the arrival of a catalyst or messenger for change (of the emotional upheaval sort).  As a person, the Page of Cups is a child-like dreamer, capable of great intuition and depth of feeling as well as (reversed) great emotional immaturity.  In a reading, context is everything as this card can take on a myriad of possible meanings.

Some random advice on clothing that I really like (that I found while looking for tutorials on doing victory rolls):

(This is geared towards 50’s/rockabilly/pin-up/vintage dressing, but really, you could put “steampunk” or “hippie” in for “vintage” in her schpiel and its true)

Moment of Zen: A somewhat sleepy review of Philip Carr-Gom’s Wild Wisdom Meditations: I recently purchased this as an MP-3 via Amazon (it is also available on iTunes and CDbaby), and I really like it.  I’m pretty sure I’d love it, if I had a better time than bedtime to listen to it…instead, I end up so into it and relaxed that I fall asleep in some of the most pleasant places to start dreaming!!!  So, I guess that is still a good thing, right?

A prayer for Spring:

Spring dances change into the turning of the year, into the turning of our lives.  She shrugs off the slumber of winter and warms the cold earth with a cloak of flowers. Some changes we anticipate with eagerness, and some we plan with equisite detail.  But some come unwanted, with pain and reluctance. To all these changes, Spring brings us the gift of perspective, beckoning us to expectation, hope, and rebirth.

Goddess, may your sunlight and the rain be reminders that as the Earth is renewing, so can we.

(by thalassa)

 

In which tired momma is tired:

I had planned to write a bit more…but I think its time for a nap.

Plus, the hubby is on 2nd shift right now, and working 12 hour nights overtime this weekend, and its sort of my only chance to curl up with him for a bit.

The kids are fed and watching a movie together for a bit, so they will keep for me to take a wee cat nap (and hopefully nod off themselves).

HAPPY SPRING!

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Sicking in the New Year

01 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by thalassa in randomness

≈ 5 Comments

Errors like straws upon the surface flow: Who would search for pearls must dive below

~John Dryden

I had planned to ring in the blogging New Year with a post about choosing a word for the year (more of a theme, really).  If I were to do so, it would be about deepening.  To engage in the process of becoming more profound, of accumulating intensity.   To take apart everything, including myself, to look within.  To dive into the depths in search of what is hidden, secret.  To find meaning everywhere, in everything.

But I’m finding it a bit difficult to find meaning in my nasty chest cold that I seemed to have picked up recently (it busted out the full force on me yesterday and today I feel like a MAC truck is sitting on my chest while a dragon burps inside my bronchial tubes every time I cough).  As would happen with these things, I picked up said miserable cold right in the middle of our biennial visit from The Hubby’s mama.  And so, here we are, trying to navigate the pitfalls Raising Pagan Babies whilst in the middle of A Holiday with the Fiercely Catholic MIL while I have The Crud.

Saying that I’ve had better weeks is something of an understatement.

And I’m pretty sure there is a lesson to be had there, in burning pain of hacking up a lung while wheezily groping for my inhaler.  Perhaps to appreciate the ability to breathe–when its compromised life sort of sucks.  Perhaps the lesson might be be thankful for the presence of The Hubby who is kindly brewing a cup of my favorite tea for cold season (he leaves again on Monday, this time until at least September).  But to be quite honest, I right now I could care less if there’s a lesson in my current suffering.

I just want it to go away.

So, I’m about to go deepen my relationship with my blankies and a cuppa tea, and perhaps some Kim Harrison (I’ve been on a Paranormal Romance/Urban Fantasy kick lately ).  Hope you are having a blessed (and healthy) start to the New Year!

ETA:  If you were wondering, said tea is a combination of mullein, slippery elm, elderberry, speedwell, and wild black cherry.

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Monday Musings

22 Monday Jul 2013

Posted by thalassa in randomness

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Tags

blogging, Canada, canoeing, lemon verbena, Ramadan, Sigurd Olson

Checking in! I’ve been absent of late, but I’m still here…just less here!  I started a new job (a full time job) last month, and its been (actually, it still is) a huge learning curve (and will be for quite some time).  I’m finally getting a chance to sit down and blog, only because today is my furlough day (thanks a lot sequester).  I’ve had time to start several posts, but not the time to research details and finish them up, so we’ve had a bit of a dry spell here (at least of original posts, I’ve reblogged some here and there).  I had planned to spend some time blogging on Monday of last week, but I ended up with strep and a upper respiratory infection….I spend the entire day in bed, not doing anything instead!  I hope to be rectifying that soon.

Chickadee had Little Miss over to play today, they’ve missed each other since we moved, so Little Miss’s mom and I have tried to keep regular play dates and sleepovers for the girls….today they played here, and tonight she’s spending the night over there.  Sharkbait has started going to preschool full time, which has been a bit of a learning experience for him as well.  We’ve had a couple of behavioral problems, but he seems to be adjusting fairly well.  The biggest challenge in all of this has been that we only have one vehicle…as a result, we leave our house at 5:30 in the morning, and (traffic gods willing) finally make it back into the house 5:30 in the evening.  I think (as much as I hate to say it) a second car is on the agenda sooner, rather than later.  First world problems, yeah?

The status of the Pagan Blog Project and other blogging events… I’m a wee bit behind schedule, but I plan to try to catch up.  Try, of course, being the operative word.

Science Lesson of the Day:  How your microwave really works.
I read a blog post the other day about The Evil Microwave…I’m not going to link it, because I’m not trying to single anyone out directly.  Instead, I’m mentioning it because its not the first The Evil Microwave post I’ve seen on the internet, and like all of them, it was riddled with some bad information.  And, lest anyone think I have a horse in this game, I don’t own a microwave. (We also don’t own a coffee maker, a toaster, or an electric can opener.  Really, the only small kitchen appliances we own are a mixer (though I usually use my 1950’s era hand-crank mixer) and a blender.)  I think there are perfectly valid reasons for this choice…but, not a single of our reasons have to do with how the microwave works or how it heats food. Because, quite honestly, those “reasons” are bad (often really bad) science–one of my favorite “reasons”, that I see on FB from time to time.

Its Ramadan! So don’t be an insensitive jerk and stuff your face with chocolate cake in front of your Muslim friends (unless its after sunset, and then make sure you share)!!  I like to use the Ramadan season as a chance to learn more about Islam.  Since I’m a bit short on time to do anything that involves a lot of effort this year, I’ve been following along with the thread one of our moderator’s at Pagan Forum started, instead.  Next year, I would like to try reading the Koran (again).  I always plan to, but somehow, its one of the things I’ve never followed through on to completion.

Herb of the Day: Lemon Verbena is a plant native to the New World (Argentina and Chile), that was brought to Europe by the Spanish.  Lemon verbena has a lovely scent and flavor that makes for an awesome addition to cosmetics, veggie, fish and poultry dishes (and more), and it makes a wonderful tea (medicinally, it is said to be a digestive aid and has lots of anti-oxidants).  Magically, it can be used for purification and love spells.  Also, it can be used in potion form to prevent dreaming.

A nifty info graphic I found, for those of us interested in living self sufficiently.

I’ve been thinking a lot about canoeing lately… Perhaps because my BFF, is coming out to visit and I haven’t seen her IRL in over a year.  We met when she was my counselor on an annual canoeing trip I used to go on in high school, to one of the most beautiful places in the world…a place where you can still dip your cup into the water and drink directly from it, without filtering it or treating it.

Image (16)

Picture of the Day: An oldie, but a goodie–this was taken about 10 years ago, on a canoe trip in Quetico Provincial Park

Parting thought:

If we can move into an open horizon where we can live in our modern world with ancient dreams that have always stirred us, then our work will have been done.

Sigurd Olson, Open Horizons

…I think perhaps, that might be a thought for a post all on its own.

 

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a thought for thursday

20 Thursday Jun 2013

Posted by thalassa in politics, randomness

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Tags

human rights

Where after all do universal human rights begin? In small places, closes to home – so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any map of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person: The neighborhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman, and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world.

Eleanor Roosevelt in remarks at the United Nations, March 27, 1958

The Abbreviated Articles of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights
(from the University of Minnesota’s Human Rights Resource Center)
(click here for the unabridged version from the UN)

Article 1 Right to Equality
Article 2 Freedom from Discrimination
Article 3 Right to Life, Liberty, Personal Security
Article 4 Freedom from Slavery
Article 5 Freedom from Torture and Degrading Treatment
Article 6 Right to Recognition as a Person before the Law
Article 7 Right to Equality before the Law
Article 8 Right to Remedy by Competent Tribunal
Article 9 Freedom from Arbitrary Arrest and Exile
Article 10 Right to Fair Public Hearing
Article 11 Right to be Considered Innocent until Proven Guilty
Article 12 Freedom from Interference with Privacy, Family, Home and Correspondence
Article 13 Right to Free Movement in and out of the Country
Article 14 Right to Asylum in other Countries from Persecution
Article 15 Right to a Nationality and the Freedom to Change It
Article 16 Right to Marriage and Family
Article 17 Right to Own Property
Article 18 Freedom of Belief and Religion
Article 19 Freedom of Opinion and Information
Article 20 Right of Peaceful Assembly and Association
Article 21 Right to Participate in Government and in Free Elections
Article 22 Right to Social Security
Article 23 Right to Desirable Work and to Join Trade Unions
Article 24 Right to Rest and Leisure
Article 25 Right to Adequate Living Standard
Article 26 Right to Education
Article 27 Right to Participate in the Cultural Life of Community
Article 28 Right to a Social Order that Articulates this Document
Article 29 Community Duties Essential to Free and Full Development
Article 30 Freedom from State or Personal Interference in the above Rights

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None is as free as one born on the wave, Born on the wave to the song of the sea; None can be brave until they are free, Free of all, but the call of the sea.

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About me

*Just an FYI: If you are wondering why there's not been a new post recently, new posts have been a bit slowed down by the new job...*

I am a (occasionally doting) wife, a damn proud momma of two adorable and brilliant children, a veteran of the United States Navy, beach addict, (American) Civil War reenactor and Victorian natural history aficionado, lover of steampunk, canoeing fanatic, science professional (and amateur in my preferred field), graduate student, and semi-erratic blogger.

If you have found this blog, you have also figured out that we are a Pagan family.  More aptly, I would describe my theological belief as a pragmatic sort of pantheism with a polytheistic practice and my religion as Unitarian Universalist Pagan.  I practice a bioregional witchery and herbalism (foraging ftw!), mainly working with domestic and elemental magics, and I have a thing for sea deities. For the most part, my blog covers a bit of all of these things, with a bit of randomness tossed in from time to time.

I enjoy playing with my kids, chillin with the hubster, swimming, being nerdy, the great outdoors, NCIS re-runs, chai tea--iced or hot, yoga, trashy romance novels, singing off key, kitchen experiments (of the culinary and non types), surfing the internet and painting.  I also like long walks on the beach and NPR's Science Friday and Neil deGrasse Tyson.  I love to read, sleep in on the weekend, and make the Halloween costumes for my kids every year. I am passionate about watershed ecology and local conservation efforts and vehemently anti-disposable plastics. But most of all...I'm just trying to take extravagant pleasure in the act of being alive.

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